While you do all this shit for me, you still succeed to push me down. While you tell me you love me, you succeed to make me feel like you don't care. Because of you in afraid to fail. Because I want to prove you wrong. All my goals, all my ideas, all my intentions. You just want to shut me down. "That costs money, Austin! Something you can't learn to keep!" Thanks mom. In the mornings you put on your happy face and take your happy pills. But by night, it wears away. You just become this person who I feel more hate from. I don't tell you my secrets because I can't trust you. I really can't and that's just sad. I don't tell you so much. That's why you don't know me. My friends all know me better than you ever will. I used to look up to you for almost everything and I don't know why I still even look up to you for anything. And if you ever manage to read this you'll probably cry just reading my thoughts. But I dont care anymore. You've changed so much. You claim dad changed too. But you don't even see yours. Yeah hes lazier. But so are you. His job is much more physical than yours. He probably stresses a lot too. But if he told you that you'd tell him to suck it up like you say he needs to do about his back pains. I'm sorry mom but he has actually back pains. You just strain yourself. But you give dad so much shit. You wonder why he never hugs you all the time. Why he doesn't even act the same. And its because you dont either. You only complain about him. I hope I'm never like you. I want to be successful. Not your kind of successful though. No mom. I know that my goals are expensive. Are up there. But there is a reason I have this career goal. There is a reason I have all these goals in mind. I dont live week by week. I live day by day. I live my life in the moment while looking forward. I wanted a dirt bike. Only $600. That's a good fucking deal. What did you tell me? "But Austin you have no money!" With some attitude. That's why I will save up. But then it's an issue because I dont need it. But my life comes with more needs. I dont get by every night playing shitty candy crush and watching reality TV shows about people meeting their real parents. I didnt choose to live how you did. I live the fun way. I'm living to strive. Not just enough to survive. You blame me for not saving money but the whole family always ends up being broke somehow? But I pay for my food 90% of the time. I help out my friends and pay their stuff sometimes. I bring them places so we all dont use gas. But then it's an issue with you. Because I'm a taxi driver all of a sudden. But really I'm just a good friend. I'm tired of ranting about you and I've only covered half of it.
I just hope I come out better. More successful. Richer. I want to prove to you that I can make it. That I'll have money. That my goals are in my hands.
