I used to dream about touching the sky, leaving my limits and teaching others to never deny. I kept my friends dear and close and never let them down, yet our lives are full of mistakes and smiles turn to frowns. God was my number one friend and I was dedicated to his creations, I taught his children and gave a new look to our youth. I told myself I'd always do good, make good grades and live life like I should.
And i look back on it all and see all I've done. Find all my mistakes and all my minds lies. I'm afraid to trust some friends and I'm about to lose more. I've drifted from God and I'm afraid he wont want me anymore. I barely made my way through school, I'm truly disappointed in myself. I'm not living the life I want to. I'm making it harder to get to.
And I always feel like I fail my mom. All she does is complain. Sometimes I feel like she not my mom because I dont see her way. And my dad tells me I have no work ethic. He thinks I wont be successful. He isn't the man I used to know, no he is no longer him. He sits his ass at home all day and soaks his mind to shows. Working 3 to 4 all week and adding nothing else Is bland. I'm afraid I'll see myself in him if i dont try to remend.
And I'm laying her with tears in my eyes as I type this. I'm scared to move and I'm scared to stay. Why does life have to be this way. I want to move on but I'm scare to let go. Will this get better? I just dont know... I feel depressed when I have no reason.
I feel like I've failed already.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry friends.
I'm sorry mom.
I'm sorry dad.
I'm sorry phillip.
I'm sorry to all those who looked up to me. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry God. I abandoned you.
I'll do better.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I want to do better.
