Eunoia

Just Once

 It calls me closer, it calls me near

"Just once and it'll be over"

Death whispers in my ear

Irresistible is its sweet entice

Staring down, which one to slice,

I observe my previous tries

My unseen hurt and earlier cries

No peace in my mind, no peace in my head

The quiet intelligent me, long since fled

Anger and rage consumes me

My minds demons bursting to be free

The walls of my cage finally cave

"Just be still, just be brave"

I slash down with an improvised knife

"Forget this world, forget my life"

Blood oozes and drips down the drain

A slight tingle but no real pain

A Calmness comes over me

My last attempt please, it's got to be

"Screw everyone, that's made me into this"

The very same people who I'm going to miss

Tears stream down my cheek,

My head feels heavy, I get dizzy and legs go weak

Darkness surrounds me, I get a glimpse of the abyss

I embrace the darkness, then hear a shriek...

Then nothing.... Blankness, no sound

I feel my body drifting

I hear scraping, something's stirring around

Surrounding me, I can here creatures shifting

I hear a scream, I hear a moan

I want my family, I'm all alone

I hear cry, I hear a sob

And realize it's my own

I know I have sinned, still, I pray to god

"Please get me out of this hell"

I start to yell...

No sound out my mouth, only in my mind

No one to help me, no one for me to find

I've never felt so scared...

My soul finally screamed and despaired

"I give up..."

A light???

My consciousness returns

As it starts to get bright

I feel myself falling

A faint faraway voice, I hear someone calling

Brighter now, getting brighter still

I feel myself escaping from this hell

Has it been months or has it been years?

Since I was stuck in that prison,

Trapped with my fears

I open my eyes and look around

I'm lying in a bed in a hospital gown

The worried looks on their faces make me ashamed

Sitting and staring no one makes a sound

"Sorry" is all I say...

Mother starts crying, my father is sad

Finding me like that must have been bad...

I get a kiss and a cuddle,

A pat from my father,

My minds in a muddle

I still manage a small smile,

And close my eyes for a while,

I promise myself, from this day on and till I die

I'm going to be the best person I can

Or at least try

Like an old cliché

"Live every day like it's the last"

Forget all the bad days, I'm leaving them in the past

The sun is shining, my dark clouds have vanished

My demons have gone, finally banished

Life is good, life is great,

Forget wallowing in self-pity

I tell you, straight.

--Amar Qamar