Dead & Gone. [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 2: Grand Island to Denver.

The wait at the bus station was horrible. The bus tickets weren't as cheap as the website said they were and the bus was delayed by a few hours. And since we got here a bit later than what was planned, we missed the twelve o'clock bus and needed to take the two o'clock and since it's late. We spent most of the day in the bus station. We got the ticket for Long Beach, California's bus station in this one long ticket.

We had to transfer from Grand Island to Denver, Denver to Las Vegas and finally our last stop is in Long Beach. So, in the mean time I caught up with my sleep after we stripped the car of all our belongings and license plates.

The afternoon was hot and humid. I was sweating heavily even in the air-conditioned room, in the shade. I lay on the cool ground, using my bag as a pillow. Connor skipped back over to our spot with a few things, he brought two sodas and a bag of sweets. He sat down beside me. The two hours that we've spent in the car we talked about music and art. We talked about life and our hopes and dreams. Connor was a cool guy, determined to go home. I like that about a guy.

I smiled at him as sipped the ice-cold soda with a delightful shutter. Connor told me about his family with glee filled words, he really loved them. I want to know what that's like. I want to know what it's like to know both of my parents. Just because I didn't get to know my mom doesn't mean I didn't know her. I had four years with her. Granted, I was too young to remember her but Roger, on nights where he was a nice drunk, would tell me about her.

"So, what made you want to leave now? Why didn't you like wait until you're eighteen?" Connor quizzed with a natural curiosity riddling his voice. I shrugged. I didn't really have a rational answer to that question. It was just something I had to do before it was too late.

"Something in my gut said if I waited until I was eighteen it'd be too late," I returned in a mutter. He narrowed his gaze at me slightly.

"Like something bad is gonna happen if you didn't leave soon?" He questioned. I nodded.

"I don't know what it was but I feel like even if I waited until Christmas holidays it'd be too late," I added. Connor nodded with me and sipped his drink. It was a strange feeling that sunk my stomach. Like if I didn't get there soon it'd be too late. So at least now if he wants to keep me around, I can stay the summer. Hopefully.

I sat cross legged on the ground staring into the cup of soda, ice bobbed around helplessly.

"Christmas is a far way away. But if your gut is saying you needed to get to him before then, then it's good that you left before summer holidays," Connor said softly. I smiled and nodded.

"What's a better birthday present than running from home at fourteen and going to California to find my dad? It's not seeing him that makes this adventure worthwhile, it's meeting new friends like you. Thanks for being here for the best birthday ever," I told. Connor raised an eye brow at me with a cheeky smile.

"Happy birthday Peasnie," Connor uttered and hugged me. It's been a long time since I've been given physical affection. It was both wholesome and heartbreaking. The last time I was hugged was...... –I don't know when the last time I was hugged.

Our Hallmark moment was ruined by the sound of the intercom beeping for our attention.

"Bus 48 to Denver has now arrived and is boarding," The lady said over the intercom. Connor and I jumped to our feet, swinging our bags over our shoulders. We both made our way to the bus. Apparently, there were a few people wanting to go to Denver as well. Not too many but just enough.

Connor and I sat near the back since it's always the coolest back there. I sat by the window while he sat in the isle. I still wore my sunglasses and my hair tied back. I pulled the camera from my bag and turned it on and took my sunglasses off, the world brightly blinded me. The sun was setting on the horizon, making the heat unbearable. I squinted my eyes as I looked at the camera.

"It's just after six o'clock at night, day one. I've found out that there is a possibility that my dad is a drummer, which makes sense since my step dad always told me my mom and he liked to rock out. Note: Look up James Sullivan of Huntington Beach," I explained quickly before shutting the camera off and shoving it back into my bag. Connor stared at me with concerned eyes. I slid my sunglasses back on and smiled wearily at him.

"What?" I muttered. He chuckled lightly and shook his head.

"Why keep a video blog when you could just write it?" He asked what seemed like a silly question. I inhaled and exhaled deeply with a half smirk.

"I can't read my writing and when I find my dad, I want him to see the adventure I endured to get there," I replied with a soft voice. Connor nodded with a weak smile.

The bus ride was lingering on for far too long. Connor had fallen asleep just after the sun set, its rays still longed over the horizon. His head sat on my shoulder as he softly snored. I couldn't help but smile at the sound. It reminded me of Roger, when he'd fall asleep on the couch and I had to go to school. I wouldn't ever have to worry about being quiet. His snoring was so loud. He once woke himself up with his snores. It was so funny.

I rested my head against the window and watched the world go by. The feeling still sank in the bottom of my stomach, it was no longer excitement and freedom but it was twisting into worry and regret. I'm worried that my step dad will find me and drag me back to Chicago before I could find my dad.

I'm also worried that my dad when I do find him, he won't want me or say he knew about me and doesn't love me. I'll regret ever going to find him. But it's been fourteen years; fourteen years and I need to know whether or not he knew about me. I needed to know. I maybe only fourteen but I can go far. I know how to survive on very little. I've done it all my life, living off the scraps. This day has been eventful, I'm finally free. Maybe not legally but I'm doing something I've always wanted to do. Go on an adventure, make new friends and find a treasure at the end of the road. This is the moment I've been waiting for, all these years. Ten long years have gone by since my mother left, never heard from her or of her since.

I stared out the window, my sunglasses now in my bag with the camera and money. I loved the night; I remember being little and at night if I couldn't sleep my mom and I would sit on the back deck of our house and watched the stars. We'd tell stories of the stars as well. My favourite story that my mom would tell me was of that one little star. The little star that's alone is a little girl. She'd tell me that little star was looking for her dad who was on the other side of the sky, shining brightly for that little star. He was worried about her so at night he'd shine so bright for her to see and come home. But the little star was so small she couldn't see that big bright star, shining bright in the sky. My mom would tell me that my dad was where that star was shining bright in the sky. I just had to follow it. She'd tell me the sky was my map and the moon was my destination. It's surprising that I even remember this; I was three when she told me this but that story now applies to me. I was looking for that star shining bright in the sky; I was trying to find my way back home.

Back then when things were good, we had a nice house in a quiet area that had lots of kids living there. My mom and Roger were planning on getting married and having another baby, so I wouldn't feel so lonely. I didn't want a baby sister or brother. Who needs siblings when you've got the night sky? Who needs someone else when you have an infinite number of adventures, flying through the skies and swooping down into streams running through wild forests? I didn't. I had my imagination and that's all I needed. My mom used to tell me that I just needed to know what freedom feels like then I'll see the big picture. I'm free but there is no big picture. I don't see that star shining bright in the sky, calling me home.

I looked out the window to see the stars in the dark sky, the full moon round in the sky, shining a way for all the lost souls. My gaze scanned the sky to see the smallest star sitting beside me. I frowned and sighed heavily.

"Don't worry, I'll find your dad and you'll be home soon enough," I said quietly and watched as the small star stayed beside me for the ever-longing night. I couldn't take my eyes off it, it was like that little star was a part of me in a way. I knew what it's like to be far from home even if I was in the night sky, I felt alone and like I didn't belong. I loved Chicago but it's never been my home. I just had to keep searching for that bright star and I'll finally be home.