Dead & Gone. [UNDER REVISION]

Chapter 33: THE LOST CHAPTER: In the Beginning.

Ha-Ha! Yes, the lost chapter of Dead & Gone! Bet you didn't see this coming, I've been planning on writing a lost chapter for a while now but I finally did it. This chapter is the night Peasnie left Chicago, it's not when she's already in California. It shows why she left and what made her leave. Hope you enjoy DEAD & GONE: THE LOST CHAPTER: IN THE BEGINNING!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! -Kat. 

Chapter 33: THE LOST CHAPTER: In the Beginning. 

I sat up in my room that evening after Roger practically broke everything in the apartment. My bones shook as I stared out the window at the night life. I loved looking out at the big wide world, it was mesmerizing and grand.

 In my hands I held my birth certificate; the only thing of my father's that I really had. I've never known my dad; my mom always told me he left soon after I was born. I wish I could've known him. Most girls hate their dads for walking out but I don't, I don't hate my dad, my real dad for some reason. I've never hated him. He's my dad. 

 I looked at the name on the certificate and smile slightly. James Sullivan. I have his last name. My mom must've loved him very much if she gave me his last name. 'I want to find him.' The random thought popped into my head. I stared out my bedroom window at the busy Chicago streets and nodded. 'I want to find my dad.' I thought again.

 "I will, when I'm eighteen." I told myself with a quiet voice. But when I said that there was a pit at the bottom of my stomach instantly. 'NO! You need to leave now, tonight!' I screamed in my head and for some reason it felt right, like if I waited until I was eighteen it'd be too late and there wouldn't be anything left for us to build. I smiled slightly and swallowed hard with joyful tears in my eyes.

 "It'd be a nice birthday present to find my dad." I told myself again. I nodded and got up off my bed. I grabbed my duffle bag and a currier bag as well. I raided my dresser and closet, rolling my clothes into cylinders and putting them into the duffle bag. I grabbed some books and put them into my currier bag carefully along with my video camera. I smiled as I put my birth certificate into the bag as well and zipped it up. I proudly marched into the destroyed living room and planted myself on the sofa beside Roger with a big grin on my face.

 "I know what I want to do for my birthday." I announced happily. Roger looked at me with his deepening brown eyes. He wore a permanent frown. He arched his eye brow curiously which let me know he was listening.

 "And what's that Peasnie?" He asked flatly.

 "I want to find my dad." I announced with a proud voice. Roger rolled his eyes and sat up a little bit on the couch.

 "Why would you want to find James?" He questioned using my dad's name. I felt my smile fade slightly as he didn't really like my wish. My heart sank deeply and my stomach twisted and knotted. I coughed up the courage to reply to him.

 "Because I love my dad." I replied. Roger rolled his eyes again and jumped to his feet, he began yelling at me about how hopeless that wish was and such. I knew this was a bad idea but I wanted what I wanted and there was no letting go.

 "Peasnie, you're just like your mother; loving hopeless men that you don't know!" Roger screamed at me from the kitchen. I sat curled in a ball on the sofa with tears streaming down my face. The apartment was a mess after his bout of rage that was directed at me but not caused by me. I was in awe that my step dad would say such a thing to me. How can he call himself a man by telling a thirteen almost fourteen year old that their birthday wish to find their real dad is stupid? My sadness and fear turned into anger as I shot up off the couch and too my feet.

 "The only hopeless man my mother ever loved is you!" I screamed back. My heart raced inside my chest as rage boiled through my veins. Roger stepped out of the kitchen with the angriest expression crossing his face ever. Fear replaced anger but annoyance and tiredness over powered the fear, leaving me standing my ground like I've never done before. He's had me frightened for nearly fourteen years; I'm not going to let him scare me anymore.

"You are not going to find that loser!" Roger snapped at me angrily. I shook my head in protest. My fingers curled into balls as I stood there.

 "Yes I am weather it's now or in four years; I am going to find him." I snarled loudly back at him. Roger stood there with wide eyes; he was in shock that I was fighting back. I was finished taking orders from him, he doesn't even have legal custody of me. Roger began to scream at me as loudly as he could but I wasn't giving in, not this time.

 "Your father, the man you love left because he hates you just like everybody else does. Your mama hates you, fuck I hate you. And you hate yourself. So if you leave you better stay gone 'cause I'm not taking you back if you go." Roger warned me. I bit my lip with a frown. Tears streamed down both my cheeks as what he told me stung deeply. I wasn't backing down, I can't. I'm not going to be held here by the fear he made me feel. If my dad really hates me then I want to hear it from him. I held my ground, stiffening up my bottom lip and stopping the tear from escaping my eyes. I stared at him angrily and narrowed my gaze.

 "Y'know what Roger? Fuck you." I hissed before storming off to my room. Before I marched into my room I snagged Roger's car keys off the TV stand. I screamed through my teeth as I entered the room. I slammed the door shut and locked it. I fell onto my bed, leaning down to grab my bag. My heart was racing inside of my chest. I pulled out my camera before I turned it on I sat there in awe. I really did that. I've wanted to do that for years and I did it. I'm so proud.

I stared into the camera with a hallow feeling inside. It wasn't a dreading feeling but just emptiness. I brushed the longing dark curls from my face, tucking the hair behind my pierced ears. The three star earrings hooked the hair tightly while the stretchers sat in my first wholes.  I looked around the room, navy blue paint on the walls but it was covered by the large amount of posters and pictures, memories. Pictures of me and my mom hung on the walls. The window was open looking out on the crime ridden city. The fire escape was right out side. The cool spring air flowed into the room making me chilled but I was heated with pain from the torture I've been going through these last ten years. My bag was packed and ready at the window while the car keys sat on my nightstand. I sat on the end of the end in my room. The small room of the apartment my step dad and I shared. I dried the tears from my eyes and exhaled slowly before starting the blog of my soon to be adventure. I pressed the start button and swallowed my pride.

"Today's date is March 15th, 2009. My name is Peasnie Ann Sullivan. I am fourteen years of age. I live in Chicago, Illinois with my step dad. My mom walked out on us when I was four. I never knew my dad but my mom left me clues. Like my last name, it's Sullivan not Jones. Then she said he lived in Long Beach, California." I said softly to the camera. It's not like it can reply to me or judge me. I inhaled deeply and unfolded the piece of paper that had my name, birth date and my parents' names on it. The name sat in cursed spirals and twists.

"My dad's name is James Sullivan. I've never met him but I'm going to. Tonight is the night of my fourteenth birthday and tonight is the night I break free from my step dad's clutches. I'm going to find my dad.  I don't know what he looks like, his phone number or even where he lives but I'll find him. I'm leaving Chicago and going to California. I'm taking this camera as evidence on my quest. Wish me luck." I said then shut the camera off.

I put the camera back in my bag and got up off the bed, slinging the currier bag over my shoulder and grabbing the duffle bag. I chucked the car keys into my pocket and climbed out the window onto the fire escape. I quietly but quickly made my way down to the first level. The ladder that led down to the ground was left hanging a few feet off the ground. I tossed my duffle bag of clothes onto the pavement below and hooked my currier bag across my body tightly before inhaling deeply and jumping the ten foot gap. I landed on the ground with a loud grunt; I fell backward onto my butt and looked up at the apartment that I once was trapped in. A smile crossed my face as I made my way to the impala which was parked across the street. I started the car and it noisily drove down the streets. I knew how to get to California; I've been there a couple times to visit my mom's family. As soon as I go onto the open highway I couldn't stop smiling. My heart was racing inside my chest and a wonderful feeling filled me. I was really doing this; I was really going to find my dad. I didn't need to worry about Roger or my mom or Chicago anymore. I was free from them. I was free. I'm going to find my dad. Finally.