Baby Don't Stop

Chapter Eleven

Ten opened his eyes to see Taeyong leaning in towards him. Ten had closed his eyes as Taeyong had moved his hair back. With the pulsating feelings running through Ten, he had to close his eyes to keep himself calm. To keep himself from closing the distance between them.
"Stop." Ten whispered.
Taeyong's eyes pop open to see Ten's staring back at him. "Stop? Oh, yeah." Taeyong lets go of Ten's neck and takes a step back.
"What are you doing?" Ten asks Taeyong, his eyes searching Taeyong's for an answer.
"Uh, I don't know." Taeyong whispers back. "I- I thought- I was just- I'm not sure." Taeyong wipes his hands that have now become sweaty on the back of his pants. "I'm going to go get drinks." Taeyong turned and walked away toward the bar.
Ten finally feels like he is able to breathe again as he watches Taeyong's back fade into the crowd. He quickly turns around and looks for a seat at the edge of the dance floor. When he plops down into it and stares up at the ceiling.
What was happening? Why was Taeyong doing this to him? Ten's emotions were tearing him apart and Taeyong wasn't helping. He was only making Ten more confused. He started to run his hands through his hair.
How much longer could he do this? Every day he stared into Taeyong's eyes and he knew how much he loved him. His heart was being torn into pieces. Taeyong was his best friend and his boyfriend. But only one of those meant anything.
Ten could feel the ring on his finger, it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. A constant reminder of something he would never be able to actually have. It was something that was being dangled in front of him like food to a starving animal. Sooner or later it was going to break him.
He leaned forward and put his face into his hands. He couldn't cry here. He couldn't let his emotions get the best of him. Not now. Especially not now.
He hears Taeyong's voice above him. "I didn't know what you wanted so I got-"
"I think we should head home." Ten won't look at him now. He is looking anywhere but in Taeyong's eyes.
"Did I do something wrong?" Taeyong tries to get Ten to look at him.
"No," he looks at Taeyong for a moment before quickly looking away. "I just want to go home." Before Taeyong could say anymore Ten turned around and pushed his way through the crowd and out the doors.
Taeyong was left standing there in a state of shock and confusion. He must have done something wrong. But how could something that had felt so right and perfect to Taeyong have turned out so wrong.
When Taeyong exited the building Ten was nowhere in sight. Taeyong was left to walk home by himself.
As Taeyong walked he thought about what had happened on the dance floor. He didn't know what had come over him or why he had wanted to lean in towards Ten. The memory was almost like smoke in the wind and the more he thought about it the fainter it became. The details were not as clear or vivid as they had been when he was experiencing them. It was just a shadow of the pure electricity that had overcome him in the moment when he had shut his eyes.
But still he replayed it over and over in his head. What would have happened if Ten hadn't said stop? Would they have kissed? Taeyong wasn't feeling upset that they might have kissed. He had wanted to kiss Ten, even if he didn't realize what he was doing at the time.
He was straight, he was just doing this for his best friend. To protect his best friend. But maybe, just maybe, he had feelings that he didn't realize where there. Maybe he had more feelings for Ten than he would admit even to himself.
He liked Ten, as more than a friend.
The more he thought the more his heart sank. A little thought in his head kept popping back up.
Before everything had happened Ten had said that he had liked someone. What if he still liked that someone and Taeyong was just getting in Ten's way so that he couldn't be with the guy he truly liked? Had Ten stopped him because he didn't want his first kiss to be with a guy he didn't like. With his best friend, who he probably didn't have any feeling for at all? What had Taeyong done?
Had Taeyong stepped too far when he had told everyone he was gay? If he hadn't said anything would Ten be with the guy he liked right now?
No wonder Ten kept trying to convince him to tell everyone the truth. Because Taeyong had made a big mistake in crossing all the boundries he did. Taeyong starts to get really hot and has to take off his jacket.
"AHhhhh!" he is so frustrated. He couldn't believe he didn't think about this sooner. It all made sense. Everything made sense. And Ten probably was upset because Taeyong almost took his first kiss from him and he wanted to have it with someone he really liked, someone who he was really in a relationship with.
Taeyong gathered up his jacket in his hands and threw it. What was this feeling he was having? Why was he so upset? Is this what jealousy feels like? This rage in his blood and red at the edge of his vision. At someone he didn't even know, someone he wasn't sure even existed. He was fuming because he finally had realized that he liked Ten but he also realized that Ten liked someone else.
Should he break up with Ten so he can be with the guy he really likes? No, even if he wanted to he couldn't. After all they had said, they would have to wait a while and make the breakup look natural. Taeyong would just have to tell Ten that Taeyong knew what was going on and that he would let Ten be with the guy he really liked.
Taeyong finally arrived back at the dorms. He stared up at the large building, his heart was beating a million miles per minute.
He took a deep breath and headed upstairs.
When he entered the dorms, everything was quite. In the living room Taeil is reading a book.
Taeyong tries to sneak past and into his room with Ten but Taeil speaks up.
"Hey, is something going on with Ten?" He speaks softly.
Taeyong stops in his tracks and backs up to face Taeil. Taeyong rubs his face before he speaks. "ugh, yeah. Um, we- God. Help."
Taeil looks quizzically at Taeyong. "Help? What do you need help with?"
"I think I love him." Taeyong can feel tears brimming at his eyes as he speaks. He blinks quickly to push the tears back.
Taeil give a short laugh. "I don't see the problem. Isn't that a good thing?"
"Ooh uh." Taeyong takes a deep breath, "I think he loves someone else." Taeyong starts pacing.
"What? Who?" Taeil stands up shocked.
"I don't know!" Taeyong has the urge to punch something.
"Do you have any proof?" Taeil asks.
Taeyong doesn't want to tell Taeil about what happened in the club so he just shakes his head.
"Go. Talk to him. Communicate." Taeil starts to shove Taeyong towards his room that he shared with Ten.
Taeyong let himself be pushed to the door. His hand hovered over the handle. He could do this. Go and talk with Ten.
But when he entered the room Ten was fast asleep. Taeyong didn't want to wake Ten up. He would talk to Ten in the morning.
Taeyong laid in his bed and stared at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, not with all the emotions that were swirling their way around his body.
He heard a noise from Ten's bed. Ten was tossing and turning in his bed.
Suddenly he woke up with a start and shouts. "AHH!"
"Ten? Ten!" Taeyong jumped out of his bed and rushed over to where ten was panting in his bed. Taeyong reaches out to grab Ten's hands in his own. He sits down on the bed but before he can grab hold Ten pulls his hands away.
"NO!" Ten scrambles off his bed. "No, don't."
"Ten I-"
Ten is breathing heavily and runs his hands roughly through his hair. "I can't have you near me."
"What?" Taeyong can feel all his fears being confirmed. Ten likes someone else. He feels his heart tearing.
How ironic. Ten was the one who was gay but Taeyong felt like he was the one having his heart broken. He was the one who was suffering. But they were both suffering.
"I need to get out of here."
"Wait, Ten you can't leave. It's the middle of the night."
But Ten doesn't wait for an answer. He grabs Taeyong's sweatshirt from where he had discarded it at the base of the bed. Then he almost runs out of the door. Out of the apartment.
Ten just kept going.
His dream had shaken him. It was similar to his first nightmare. But this time he wasn't flung into the ocean, this time he watched as a large bird came and attacked the canaries and one of the Canaries sacrificed itself for the other to get away but in the end Ten couldn't save the canaries again.
As soon as he had woken up Taeyong had rushed to him. But Ten wouldn't let himself fall more in love with Taeyong as he comforted him after his nightmare. If he had let Taeyong hold his hands he would have let Taeyong comfort him all night and they might end up falling asleep together like they did last time.
Ten needed the outside air, he needed to breathe. He needed to be alone. He needed distance. How could he go on like this? How could he go on loving Taeyong? He looked at his hand and at the ring that was there.
The ring that meant so much but nothing at all.
Taeyong had his heart and he didn't even know it.
But Ten had Taeyong's heart and he didn't know it either.
In the form of the rings they carried, they carried each other's souls.