1.Feelings

V

I haven't written on here in months, simply because my hectic life had gotten on track and everything was fine and dandy. But as I can guess, it's not so more.

Artist poetry and clever metaphors put to the side, all my stories have been raw and real. This one is going to be another. I've wrote about my story of self harm, my story of my ex. Here's another puzzle piece to my life.

Im forever told,
The deep, pounding of my heart is the under tone of my indecisive mind constantly looking,
For the black in the rainbow,
The heat within the cold.

My racing mind has tendencies,
To be correct or overly wrong,
An untrustworthy source.

I can't do this. For what has happened has no place for pretty euphemisms. Absolutely none.

I learned for the 100th time, forever isn't forever unless it's a fairytale. In this day, forever isn't real.

I love and lost. I thought and I lost. I spoke and I lost. I lost. They'll never know how their powerful words have hurt. They'll never know how loud the drum of my heart is. They'll never care for the emptiness they've made. They'll never care. Ever.

And, and somehow it's my fault. My ownership, my lies. Yes it was, but no it was not. 3 over 1 is not equal. I've seen the true colours of harmless souls.

But I have my happy place, my others. My boys, my girls, people who love me. But for the love I get- walking around knowing with I've lost is a force strong enough to make me forget.