21.05.18
Have you ever felt like you're exhausted but, you can't take a break? I took a break from writing because, I need to. And now, I need to study harder and to strive in order to succeed. Succeed in order to strive in life. I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm being tossed in an endless cycle of confusion and pressure that I'm even starting to forget who I really am and what's my purpose in life. I want to learn a lot of things, languages, styles and even techniques yet, I can't find my motivation nor inspiration.
I want to become a person my auntie can be proud of despite my confusing and bitch-what-the-fuck-are-thou-doing attitude. I want to meet my Idols when I grow up and I want to know my purpose. I guess, I'm at the age where I'm confused with what I want to do. You see, I thought being an adult means you can earn money. I thought that being a college student means thart you're free from responsibilities and all you need to do is study. I was wrong.
The real battlefield about life is inside us. It's our decisions and choices that we can't take back the moment we made it. It's our purpose. It's our mission. I always wanted to be a diplomat (my parents told me that i can cause a conflict in just a snap) or a stewardess (but due to my lack of height? i don't have a chance). I realized that what
Sometimes, we get confused because of our emotions and needs. Sometimes, we throw away things that doesn't have any meaning to us anymore but, we realize that we need it for a project or craft.
It's the same with people.
Even though we don't want to, we treat people that we love like accessories. We wear them and when we don't need it anymore? We set them aside (so that's why i always lose my earrings and chokers! istg, i should've kept them in one place) and eventually, we buy more. We buy more jewelries and lose our old ones. We keep what we like and give away what we don't need anymore.
I'm so tired of everything. I'm so tired of being worn as a necklace or an earring. I'm so tired.
25.05.18.
My mouth tastes like blood.
26.05.18.
I think I need to take voice and dance lessons but, I'm shy. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ I just don't know how to tell my parents that I want to become an idol. I have a mature voice and
