Wingston

O N E

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I look upon the edge of the cliff to the view of my small town, Wingston, that shitty, shitty fucked up city 22,341 people call home.

 A place I use to call home until I realized there was no need for me here. I set down my backpack full of meaningless school work that had done nothing but add stress to my already screwed life. 

I kneel down and start to untie my converse and place them neatly beside my bag. I lay down looking up at the sky with my back to the cold dirt ground, somehow it was actually comfortable. The first time in a while I actually felt at peace. I lay there retracing my life choice, of how I got here and where I'm gonna go.

*Buzz, Buzz*

I look over at my bag, I sit up and rummage through my bag to find my phone.

I feel the smooth edge of the phone and I wrap my finger around the overheating surface. I spin around and place my leg over the edge of the cliff so they can dangle there like dead weight. I search the top of the phone for the power button, a message appears on the screen as I turned it on.

I had two messages from Skyler.

"Why would he even be texting me? He doesn't even care about me."

The feel of burning hatred for myself pours back into my cold body. I roll my eyes at what my mind is doing to itself and focus my attention back to my phone. 

I press the message icon and type in the numbers 2002, the most cliche thing to have as my password. It's a reminder that, 16 years ago a mistake was born on to the earth surface.

"Stooooooop."

I say to myself,

"I need to stop thinking so negative about myself or I'll never get better."

I sigh thinking that saying it out loud will somehow stop the negative thoughts. I turn my attention back to the phone and click on Skyler's name.

Skyler and I have been dating for almost over a year now. If I had to say that we have had more ups than downs, that would be a lie.

I've been trying to distance myself from him for a while, though he just won't pick up on the fact that I wanna break up. I feel like the relationship has become damaging for both of us. Although it's hurting me more than it is hurting him.

I dropped my attention back to the phone I looked at the phone and I see three messages pop up.

"Where are you?"

"Get your ass back home as soon as possible."

"Y/n? Where the fuck are you? Seriously this relationship is literally me chasing after you! You need to grow the fuck up!"

He's right, I'm just a 16-year-old acting like an immature two-year-old.

Who even needs me?

Who even wants to be my friend?

Who even cares enough to help me?

I'm basically just fucked up in the head. Just straight-up fucked up. I'm a horrible person who has done so many horrible things to so many innocent people. I don't deserve this life I don't deserve to be here, don't deserve anything.

Why the fuck am I even still here? Why the fuck am I even still trying?

The more seconds go on, the more questions about my life worth haunts me.

 My fists clenched around my phone tighter, a little tighter and my hands start stinging. For god sakes, my hands felt like they were bleeding. Then my mind just blacked out. It stopped thinking about the phone, about the hatred, and my morals. It just stopped working altogether.

I sat up with my bare feet dangling there. I looked down at my hand, my hand had a bit of blood on its palm from my nails digging into my flesh. My eyes trace the silhouette of the town and land on my lit up phone, it said 4 messages from Skyler.

All my hatred for myself, all my hatred for Skyler, all my hatred for every single fucking human in this world, all boiled up at once. I take my phone, putting it behind my head as a winding-up position. With all the rage within my being, I throw it off the cliff as far as it can fucking go, and scream. 

My scream is high-pitched rage, mixed in with violence and I scream, I scream for humanity, I scream for myself, I scream for these goddamn Americans. I scream for my life.

 I scream and I cry and cry and I scream, for one fucking person to save me. I cry for one fucking person to love me, I scream for one person just to realize I'm worth it.

 I just... I just want someone to love me.

And I stop. I breathe. I looked at Winston one more time. 

I look at Winston for the last time. I turn around and face the trees, I shuffle back to the edge of the cliff with teary eyes. My heart breaks. My soul is shredded. My hope is lost. 

I cross my arms and look at the trees, and I look at the Sun. 

I close my eyes. I feel the sun hit my closed eyes. I take a breath. I hear a voice behind me, and it isn't the fact another person was there it was what they said.

"Y/N right?" 

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A/N: Oof