Acatalepsy; auston matthews

• nineteen •

a/n
i really want winnipeg to beat vegas but they're down 3-1 and i'm nervous now.
-

On the morning of game seven Jessica found herself getting up early; she hadn't slept very well the previous night, but she couldn't tell if it was partly due to her being nervous for Auston.

Somehow she found the energy and strength to make herself presentable. She showered and shaved her legs, blow dried her hair and even applied a little makeup.

Sitting at home wasn't going to cut it for her today, she needed to go out and do something. She didn't live far from her office, but the idea of walking down Yonge street to get to work wasn't all the appealing to her.

Instead she packed her laptop into her bag, along with the charger and her phones charger. She folded up a small blanket and placed it beside the laptop. She shoved her wallet into a sweater pocket and decided she knew where she wanted to go.

Just over an hour later, and two connecting buses, Jessica was walking along a concrete path under a fair amount of shade. It was cloudy today and the breeze was quite chilly for the end of April.

She stopped to walk along the grass and took in a few deep breaths. The stone felt cold under her fingertips as she traced the letters of his name.

Callum Summers.

"What am I doing Calum?" Jessica whispered. "I'm dating a hockey player?"

The blanket in her bag came in handy like she knew it would. She laid it out across the ground and leaned against the cold stone while running her fingers through the grass. The ground was warmer with the blanket. She pulled out her laptop and opened up Microsoft Word.

She began to write her next article- about the hockey game tonight. While she also thought about her brother and Jake, she attempted to multitask.

She sighed and looked up at the sky. "I miss you. Things have been so different without you- Mum and Dad- they miss you a lot. More than they let on. I think Mum will always miss you- but you're her baby boy so that makes sense." Jessica rambled. "I was in an accident- someone- I don't know who, they vanished before I could thank them- saved me. This van killed ten people. This crazy person drove straight down yonge street- I got lucky that some stranger pulled me out of harms way. I don't even know who to thank..."

"I like to think you watch over me- I don't know if you did anything that day- but it comforts me to know my big brother is still protecting me."

She typed for a few more minutes before she burst out with a laugh, letting her laugh softly die down.

"I don't know why I'm here- it's not like you can respond-" Jessica half heartedly laughed. It wasn't a funny joke, but she found it funny. "It's been almost three years but it feels like just yesterday you were teasing me for stressing out about a flavour of cake for the wedding-" she stopped herself from crying. "I would have picked the flavour you liked- only because I liked it too. I miss you Calum. Every fricken day I think about you, about how jealous you'd be that I met players on the leafs. You're favourite player ever signed here last summer- Patrick Marleau- he's been great- you'd love that he's basically adopted Marner and Matthews-"

"I guess you don't know who Matthews is," Jessica chuckled. "He's a really good player, drafted the year after you died- You'd love him as a player he's incredibly talented. When the leafs got the first overall pick- yes they actually won the lottery for once it was a crazy day- they used it to pick the new face of the franchise. He's American, but he's still really talented- played in the Swiss league instead of college or CHL hockey."

"You'd hate that I'm dating him, but that's because you hated anyone I dated. Remember when you found out I had been seeing Jake for like four months behind your back? You almost killed him-" Jessica chuckled. "You were such a great brother-"

"You know my biggest fear was that mum and dad would pass away one day and you and Jake were already gone- my biggest fear was that you'd all leave me for good and I'd be alone in this huge world with no family left-" Jessica fought the tears. "I hated you for leaving me, because now it meant I would be alone one day. I'd lose mum and dad and wouldn't have you to go through that loss with- I hated you for that- but I've been a lot happier recently... Auston, he's good, he's really good for me. He cares and since meeting him- well I haven't felt that fear of being left alone- I've felt like I'll have at least one person there and even though it's not you- I won't be alone."

"I guess what I'm saying is, I just wanted to tell you that I'm not mad anymore. I don't hate you, or anything like that, I'm moving on. I have something good and I need to accept that you're not coming home. I'm ready to do that, so I love you Calum- You'll always be my favourite brother," Jessica joked because he was her only sibling. She finished a few more paragraphs, surprisingly almost completing her article before pushing herself off the ground.

Diagonally across the graveyard was were Jake was buried. After gathering her things back into her bag she tentatively walked over. His grave was under a massive tree, the leaves were budding, spring had finally arrived.

Jake McKenzie.

"Hey Jake," Jessica whispered even though no one was around. "I miss you too. I didn't just come to visit my brother."

"I met this guy, his names Auston, he's really great," Jessica lost her words. "He calls me Jess, which I used to hate, but it's growing on me hearing him say it."

"He's the polar opposite from you," she laughed for a minute. "Really, he's so different, but he really cares about me, and I've started to really care about him. It scares me a little, that I might suddenly lose him like I lost you, but I've decided that I can't live like that."

"I could have died, but by the mercy of whatever higher power is up there with you, I didn't. So I've decided I'm going to live my life like every day is my last- I know it's cheesy, but you always wanted me to be like this so here I am."

"I'm falling in love again- for the first time since you I'm letting myself be vulnerable and open, and it's terrifying. But I'm not letting that fear stop me anymore- I'm not gonna let fear stop me because any minute could be my last and I don't want to regret something on my death bed."

"I think you'd be proud. I hope you're proud-" Jessica felt an acorn hit the top of her head. She smiled. "I guess what I'm saying is goodbye. I don't know when I'm gonna visit you again- so incase another freak incident occurs- this is my goodbye. This is me letting go and letting my heart be truly free."

Jessica turned and walked away hearing the breeze rustle the tree behind her. Part of her liked to think that the wind gust was Jake's goodbye, but she'd never know, she could only let go.

She walked through North York, a section that was just North of the downtown core, not far from Yonge street until she reached a Tim Hortons.

She plugged in her laptop inside and got to work. Finishing her article would be the all important next step for her on her road to getting better.