Just Rants and Problems

Afraid

I'm crying now from writing that last chapter. I'm seriously afraid of losing her. She is the only person who encourages me to do anything. She is always there for me. Also, I've been thinking, recently I've been trying to be nicer to people, trying to show some emotion for once. Since I started doing that, it feels like people are starting to replace me with new judgemental people. It feels like they only like the emotionless me, not the nice one it kind of sucks because I've always been told BY THEM to be nicer and less judgemental. It's not like I was a bitch before, I wasn't mean to people or disliked people for no reason. Now, I've been trying to complement strangers and show some happiness that I never did before. Either people noticed and didn't like my change, or they didn't notice because this whole time that he been ignoring me to try and get me to leave. It feels like they don't care about me and would rather have me just go away. I think I will. On Tuesday, when I'm back to school, im only going to talk to them if they talk to me first. I'm only going to be near them when we're at our lockers and I'll just grab my books and go. At lunch I'll sit in the library or something. During our class together I won't talk to them at all, I'll sit there quietly, I'll talk to them if they talk to me first. Other than that. I'm not going to see them unless they want me to. If somebody texts me to see if I'm okay or ask me where I am, I'll be lucky, and happy to know that maybe the actually do care about me. If nobody texts me or tries to ask me what's wrong, I'll know that they don't care and I'll leave them alone permanently. I'm afraid of that though. I don't have any other friends to go to. Maybe that's what I need. No friends. If they don't need me, maybe I don't need them either.