I'm Better With You {Bughead}

•Why•

⚠️trigger warning⚠️: very minimal amount of self harm.

{Jughead}

It's hard. So goddamn hard to do the right thing. Well, in least it is for me. I just fucked everything up just like I always do. I feel pathetic, like I'm not able to do anything good for anyone anymore. I tried to help Betty but I couldn't, I never can...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm laying in bed, like usual, but this time i can't get the image of her out of my head, she's pushing me away. Which is a concept in which I am all to familiar with. For me it's like building a wall, far far away from any sign of human life, and the wall gets bigger and bigger until no one can get through, not even me. The real me. And it sucks, I build myself an image to hide away from the truth, the lies, the secrets, it's all to much. Fuck, I don't even remember the last time I cried. Pushing people away is a natural instinct to me, and it must be for Betty too.

It's to much, I can't.

I need to let them in but I can't, it's making it worse.

Make it stop.

I need to let go, to get rid of the demons.

So I go to the bathroom. I take out my coping mechanism, and I draw, I draw on my wrist like my life depended on it, I'm drawing a twisted picture, one that no one can see.

Why?

Then there's nothing, nothing but a black abyss staring at me from the back of my mind.

——————————————

20 minutes later

I'm awake.

But why? This never happens, not like this in least.

"Jesus Jug!" Oh, that's why. Here it comes.

"What did I do now." I say slightly agitated.

"Jug, you did it again. You said you were done. You haven't done it since a week ago"

"Yea dad, well guess what! I'm not fucking perfect. I have flaws, a lot of them actually. And I'm sorry that I have darkness, and I'm sorry that I don't go around dealing drugs to get away from it!"

"Let me see, Jug." No. No no. No.

"Let me see your goddamn wrist Jug!" Here it is, I don't want to show him, to show him my weaknesses, my extreme flaws. The ones that I mask behind drawn lines on my own body.

Slowly. I move my arm to him slowly.

But he's not having it. I can feel my arm being grabbed at full force, earning a yelp from my chapped lips, which was easily blown off.

"Your fucking sick boy."

"YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT!"

"Get the hell out of here Jug, your a disappointment..."

"Fuck. You. Dad, and to think that you would even care."

And that was the second time that evening that I walked away from someone important.
I just hadn't realized it yet.

/// omg! I just want to say thank you to all of you who have even read this book so far, let alone voted! I honestly expected this story to go to shit, but the people reading are giving me hope. Thank you!😊