Millicent Larsson has always been the crazier one among her friends. Just not because of her newly functioning gift of vision, a not so rare ability to glimpse into the future. And after all the world is dead and nothing remains, that shall be the o...
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[Erik]
Here I am. And I still want to leave. I lied to my friends from the lacrosse team that I had to drop Millicent to her practice. I just cannot handle those guys for more than a few hours a day, if they really continue with their plan of going to that wretched trip to Vegas for a celebration I know I'll go crazy.
I need a bit of peace and calm far from that hyperactive lifestyle they boast about. What good place than the dear ol' woods. It's nice enough to trek. It shouldn't be bad for a bit of contemplative brooding. It's refreshing to see the lake from here. This lake has triggered in me many countless memories from home when my family used to go out to picnics by the lakes there.
At this point in life,I really don't know whether I'll really fit in anywhere. I've already lived in Sweden and with no possibility of going back because of the apparent safety concerns, we need to stay here. When everyone is busy feeling how their lives are so relatable to their friends, I feel like they will neither understand or try to comprehend what I feel. How singled out and being pointed at feels like. I will not fit in here, uprooted as I was from what I considered my home to this place I've always found so different, here where I have live now. I've always found changes to be a bit difficult. But I always thought things were supposed to get easier with time. Everyone might not be same, but when you see half as much fake smiles which are all to ready to turn to grimaces, it certainly isn't pleasant.
Summers are weird to get used to. When we first shifted here the changing of day and night felt funny. It wasn't as if I didn't know the science behind all the six months night schedule back at home, but experiencing it here everyday takes getting used to. Or not having watch to reset time zones.
When my parents first told me we were supposed to shift across the Atlantic to the States from our home in Solna, I knew I was too small for them to listen to what I wanted. And so I had to break off with all my friends and go to a place where I've never been. I know I could've been more understanding of their situation, or what they made it to be in front of me. But what can I say, I'm immature and stubborn.
To a nine year old, most changes are alien. It's hard to make anyone take me seriously as it is, and I haven't been very outgoing boy since then. I was afraid of going outside on my own. I was wary of getting bullied for my fears. Even though I was the older sibling, it was always Millicent who was the protective sister.
I once I saw a movie about a boy born in a family of Vikings but not being considered "strong" because he was skinny. He wished to be noticed by his father not for his physical strengths but for his other virtues, his brain, his resourcefulness. I thought I was just the same. But seeing the attitude of boys my age to anyone who isn't strong, I learned better.
I was only seven and did not know what it meant. I really didn't understand the stereotype. I did not realize that in that moment they made me conscious of another quality of mine which was in no way supposed to be judged. But I pretended to laugh it off.
I laugh a lot these days. I laugh when my confidant mask slips. I laugh when I do anything as endearment and it's not taken as seriously. And I laugh a lot with my friends.
I wasn't always this angsty. The more I think about it, this belief gets solidifies that this agitation isn't something I've always felt. I really was the happy older sibling, the apple of everyone's eyes. Back when Millicent didn't see me as if something is wrong. But when some secrets which must not have been kept in the first place comes out, and you want to shout it out to people who matter, but are forced to keep quiet, this is when everyday routines start to get suffocating. When the you are divided on which part of your family you love more, when you've loved them all unconditionally. It isn't a choice which anyone will like to make. To decide who they are more loyal to.
