Testimony

Four

It's been a week since Eddie had peacefully passed away and the ripple effect had spread through all of our extended family and many of Eddie's friends as well. My uncle, mother and I were sitting in the van at the cemetery right after we placed Eddie's casket into the ground and it was such a hard goodbye for all three of us. Majority of the guests here were Latin King and Queens that have been close to Eddie before he left the street life but we didn't want to speak to anyone after the church service. My pastor Stephanie had given the service for us and it was the first time that I heard from her all in a while and she and I caught up after weeks of not being around each other. The two of us had gotten some time alone after the casket was placed into the ground so we could catch up again and see what we planned to do in the days ahead of us.

"It hasn't been easy for any of us lately,"she said as we walked up the dirt trail, "My husband and I are planning on leaving Camden in the next week or so. Everything with the wars and the way the community is changing isn't for the good anymore. A lot of people are leaving the city for the country or for the Caribbean and we don't really want to risk going back to Illinois since we hear now that Chicago's a potential target for nuclear destruction."

"Practically every major city in America is a potential nuclear target for the North Koreans and the Russians," I said to her, "I don't even know what we're going to do. We have family in Puerto Rico but I don't think we have the means to fly all of us out there. We're in a bit of a pickle."

"Who isn't in a pickle nowadays? We even had to close services early on a few occasions because people began leaving early. Some of them never came back, others just come to get their days over with. It isn't about that, you know? Being in a relationship with Jesus isn't about getting your day over with by coming to church and go home to do the same thing over and over again. It's a lifestyle to be holy and be a Christ-like figure in this fallen world."

"I know, and you're right pastor. You've always taught me that ever since you came down here and you kept pushing me and many others to keep our faith in God and in his word. I'll tell you the truth... I've slipped back a lot lately these last few weeks, probably up to months and it does suck because I know what most of those people went through. I feel a tug in my heart to come back and be in a service or two and just reconcile with God."

"Well you know the church doors are always open," my pastor said, "Right now we are having our last worship service tonight before we officially close our doors. I missed having you there with your family and it would be so heartwarming to see you all there, or even if one of you comes it would nice."

"I'll be there," I said, "I need to have my moment with the Lord before you close down. I just hope that you make it out okay when you leave. I'll miss you pastor."

"You can say your goodbyes when today is over. Just make sure you're not late because it's going to be a good one."

Pastor Stephanie and I hugged each other and she made her way back to her car so she can return to Camden and I just sat in the passenger seat of the car sweating inside my black Eagles jersey; it was so hot today and just continued to stare at the burial ground with many of our family members still chatting and placing balloons at Eddie's grave. I haven't gotten a call from Jazmine all week and it was really bothering me so much because I thought she would be here to support us but that didn't happen. Where could she have gone off to?

My mother had rest her head on my shoulder and the two of us kept looking on to the gravesite, while my uncle stepped out to go over there and speak with everyone.

"I miss him," I said to her.

"We all do pop," she said, "But we should be happy that he's free from the sickness. He's heading home to our God and finally at peace."