Warning ⚠ : Self Harm, mpreg, typos, grammatical errors..
Kai's POV
It's twelve in the midnight and I'm still lying in my bed full awake... The light that the moon bring beamed through the glass window of my room.... Me and my husband room to be exact...
Byun Baekhyun and I get married just a few months ago, and now I'm a lawfully husband and soon to be father of the child he'll give birth a few months later.
This is what I dream... A complete family, a husband who'll be there for me at my better or worst, someone who will support and love me unconditionally, for richer or poorer till death do us part.. And an angel in a form of our son who'll call me dad and make me feel proud as a man. A house which I can call home and came back everytime.
But why do I still feel incomplete... Like everything is wrong and I'm missing the most important part of my life. Why my heart doesn't beat at its full speed when I saw him looking at me... Why am I not excited for my son to came out of his 'mother's' womb. And why I'm I missing 'him'
Baekhyun and I just get married because of one accident I regret, call me a bad person for regretting marrying him and for having a baby. (okay. Dont hate me everyone deserves love and everything a person could give, especially the love from their parents, and everyone is precious... It's just a story I hope no one get triggered, please! ) I know it's not the baby's fault and he should not be affected by the things I have cause.. I know that there is no one else to blame but me and I should pay the consequences for what I have done, I know that I just drag baek in this situation and he didn't deserve someone like me. And since it's all my fault I know I should take responsibility. But even if I already know all of this... I can't lie to myself... I can't force myself to stay in this kind of relationship. I want to let go... To escape... And come back to 'him'
If I just didn't got drunk that night if I just listen to 'him' and stay, this shouldn't have happen.. If I only didn't give in lust... I might still be in his arm or maybe his the one lying beside me and it's him I'll be waking up every morning with. How can I be so stubborn and stupid! If only I could bring back time, I will change everything... And do something right... But I can't and it's too late for us now.. FUCK my life....
I feel a tear roll down my cheek follow by another and another, I bite my lips to avoid any noise to escape and cover my eyes with my arms... When I feel like I can't hold my tears and noise any longer I get out of our bed, grabbing my phone and walking to the door going outside of our house. I use all my strength to stop myself going to my car and driving to where my hearts wants to go and just settle in on the bench in front of our house. I look at my phone screen and open contact searching for his name and stare on it when I found it.
Seeing his name on my phone cause the memories of us to flashback in my mind and I can't help but to let out sniffs and sobs.. I miss him... I miss everything about him.. How his eyes sparkle everytime our eyes met, how his lips formed a perfect heart shape whenever he smile, his presence that never failed to calm me, his touch and everything about him that cause me to fall in love and know what the meaning of it. His laughs that just like music to my ear. A melody I can listen all day and will never get tired of. The sound of his heartbeat I hear whenever he hold me in his arm and feels like its beating with the same pace as mine, dancing to the same rhythm, his soft lips pressing to mine.. A lips that just like own by an angel. My angel.
I let the cold midnight breeze hit my skin hoping it helps me dry the tears in my eyes and look up to stare at the sky remembering how everything went wrong,
It just all started with a small fight... I childish arguments that can be easily solve by hugs and kisses and a simple sorry from my lips indicating I loss and giving up the fight even if I did nothing wrong, I should just back down and let him win and ask him how to make up to everything but I didn't and just do the opposite, walking out of him and embracing the pleasure alcohol could give. I never did imagine that the night I walk away from him is also the time I walk out of his life.
