To the Moon and Back

alone

i am alone 

i am alone and all i want is somebody's touch 

i am alone and the person i want that touch from is miles away

to feel his hands

feel his skin on my own 

hear his voice

but i am alone 

so i weep 

i sob

i cry to the night sky as my music plays tragically 

softly

through the wind

through the trees

through the leaves

through my fingers

through my hair

tears fall on my calloused hands

but i wipe them on my pants because i don't need a reminder of how weak i've become without him

my heart aches in my chest 

he'll be back soon 

enough 

i'll see him soon 

but for now my throat burns 

my hands shake 

my skin bleeds

it hurts

it stings

how dependent i've become on someone else's validation and love 

i am unable to validate my own thoughts

feelings 

i am not worthy of self love

it's not worth wasting time on someone who can't find love in themselves 

so why do you? 

how do you find such love

such adoration 

such 

admiration 

for me? 

why do you love everything i do? 

why do you find such minute things that i do and cherish them and hold them to such a high regard 

because i can't do that for myself? 

the things i do are not enough to please my own soul

my own mind 

it refuses 

the wind is stronger now 

no longer breezing through my fingers and my hair

pushing the leaves

the branches 

to their breaking point 

they crack 

they break 

under the pressure that the wind forces it 

i 

am 

breaking 

but you 

you see past my broken branches 

you see past my torn leaves you pick them up 

you clean 

you see me for all that i am and not just the pieces that have fallen apart

you deserve so much more than me

the sky is grey now 

the darkened night has disappeared and rain pours 

it's morning 

where is the sun? 

it feels like days since i've felt that warmth 

where did she go? 

it's only with you that i see her 

only with you is my day a cloudless blue sky

only with you does the melody of my song breeze through my hair

not this harsh hurricane tearing around in my skull 

the leaves softly rustling in the wind

not torn from their branches 

the air is warm 

the sun glows 

the sky blooms 

and you are there and you hold my hand and tell me everything's okay 

but when you're gone 

it crashes 

the wind returns 

storming through my brain

fog blinding my path 

rain drowning out the sounds of the world around me

only heard is the tragic music and its melancholy tune

i am alone 

and dependent on you