Friend pt.4

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3 years later

Picking up your pen from the side, you cross another day off your calendar. Less than a week to go and you will be graduating with a degree in psychology! It doesn't even seem real. It feels like only a few months ago that you were sat in some hospital room with your calorie intake being tracked by an all-seeing nurse. Now look at you. You're about to celebrate your successful completion of college without giving time of day to those repressed voices in your head telling you to restrict or starve. 

How times have changed. 

And now you can help others too. You want to train as a therapist and support people struggling with substance abuse and EDs. It's not like it's a new area for you. And you feel like you could do a really great job - you've been there and got the t-shirt so what could go wrong?

Although it would mean a career full of reliving past memories. Is that such a good idea? If studying psychology has taught you anything, it's that memories are fragmented, false, and reconstructed. They change every time you retrieve them. They are affected by your current mood and environment. They are unreliable. 

And for you...they are painful. 

But not the ones you might expect. 

In all honesty, thinking about your time in treatment isn't as much a thorn in your side as your memories about Demi. They don't sting as much. Your memories of Demi, however, always make you flush red in shame. It's not like you haven't paid attention to the fact that you haven't heard from her at all in the last three years. She completely cut you off. She's finished with you.

You suppose that's what you wanted though, wasn't it? You wanted to be left alone and able to focus on getting your life back on track so this was the best case scenario, right? But then you think a little longer and remember the last conversation you had with her - when you told her about Sirah. And how she snapped back and dismissed you. And how you must still be a lying little brat in her eyes. 

That's the painful part. 

You don't really know what else you were expecting though. Maybe a message from Demi to say that you were right - that you're not the uncaring, deceptive ex-best friend who threw Sirah under the bus just to save her own skin. But nothing came. 

Molly says to let it go. She's one of the girls on your course that you became really close with. You had told her the whole story when she found an old picture of you and her all-time favourite singer on your phone. And at that moment, you remembered why it would have been such a good idea to delete all traces of that woman completely. But you ended up explaining the entire situation and how you went down the wrong path momentarily but that you were fine now and there was absolutely no need to worry about me I'm a hundred percent better. 

"Hey, don't worry about it, Y/n, I'm not judging you! I was actually just wanting to know more about what Demi was like? Like when you were friends. Please - tell me everything!"

Her laugh made you feel at ease. The way she didn't try digging into your past and just went for the celeb gossip made you certain that Molly was a good choice for a friend. She was easy-going and funny and happy. She was everything Demi hadn't been since that whole truth-or-dare escapade. 

And so when you told Molly the truth about what her idol was like - she was shocked. Which was understandable considering how Demi has been portrayed in the media recently. That woman is on top of the world right now with all her success. And you're happy for her. Honestly! You don't wish her any harm at all. 

Honest. 

But, anyway, that's enough about her. You need to focus on your own life. And, especially, what you're going to wear for your graduati--

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