And They Clicked.

525 words. 5/25 was a day that changed my life.

Kai:

I don't go by that anymore. I frankly don't go by any name anymore.
It wasn't an easy decision. It was something I never imagined I'd let go. HE was something I thought I'd never let go... i had planned a grand reveal. I had planned to surprise him and never leave ever again... but. Things did happen that way. It was around Christmas in 2015. I was caught and I was cut off from everything. It was something, looking back, set me on the road I was meant to be on.

I'm sorry.

Don't get me wrong. He was my world for EVER. There's not a day that goes by that I wish I still had a best friend like him. But, now, I think I'm set up -destined- for something bigger than ever. Certainly bigger than our small towns AND even MCR (maybe).

In January of the next year, I never imagined I'd come back to him not waiting. It was unfair for me to expect him to wait for me that long... but it was only two weeks...

I'm sorry.

But I was replaced. Replaced with someone very lively and bright. And I am so glad with all my heart that he found someone else. Found someone that loved him. Near him. Understood him. They were a beautiful couple...

After a while, I decided contacting him was a bad idea. I couldn't do it again. So I did what I could do. I made a playlist "Songs I Can't Listen To" based off the actual song. I added the playlist he made for me. I added additional songs like "The Good Side" by Troye Sivan, wondering if he would dedicate it to me... or maybe I was just being to pitiful. Anyway, it helped set me free and I occasionally come back to it. But I knew he was in a better position than he had ever been in.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't bear it so 3 years after our meeting (tomorrow, really), 3 years after writing cheesy poetry about our skype group, 3 years after the best thing that trapped me in a depression later, 3 years after understanding why he was put in my life for those 7 short months... after 3 years, here I am writing this like a coward. Not showing my face. Not talking directly to him...

I'm sorry.

Do you remember our TFiOS and Shakespeare crossover quote? "I fell in love the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once, and you smiled because you knew." I still have that etched into a binder I shall keep forever. We were beautiful, star-crossed lovers, weren't we? Do you remember?

Lastly, I just want you to know that I did love you. You loved me. We shared so much and I want to thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the long nights up, the presents, the electronic kisses, the music... I hope you're not mad. Im sorry that I caused you to worry... to be pained. But now, you're happier with someone else (last time I checked) and I'm... I'm okay.

Okay, Levi?