Broken//Kim Namjoon

9; Dreams

Unedited

Athena was crouched by the pond, tracing her fingers across it's still surface, ripples cutting the water. She looked small, even though she was by no means a small woman. Yet, there was a certain youth about her in the moment. Maybe it was her jean overalls or huge circular glasses resting on her forehead.

Namjoon sat on a bench not to far away, watching with a smile. He watched her stick her fingers in the mud, rubbing it on her fingers. She bit her bottom lip, washing her hand out in the water.

She stood up something in her hands, but there was something off. She was maybe three feet tall. He could see her better now, and he saw that her face was rounder, and her front teeth had a gap in between them. Her skin was paler, and she had a deep dimple in her left cheek. Her brown hair was pulled back in two pigtails, and her eyes were crescents. Not-Athena turned to Namjoon.

"Appa!" she squealed, running towards him. On instinct, he smiled and kneeled down, opening his arms wide for her. She engulfed him in a hug. Little-Athena pulled away. "Look what I found!" she said, opening her palm. There was a walnut-sized rock, cloudy with streaks of blue and silver in it.

"Waow" he said, putting his hand on his cheeks in an exaggerated way. "It's so pretty. Like you." He poked her noise, making her giggle. There was a click, and a flash. Namjoon looked to his right.

A woman was lowering a camera from her eye, looking at the display. "That's going on the Christmas card," Athena said, smiling at it.

"Eomma! Look what I found!" Little-Athena ran to her, holding the stone up to her. "It's a pretty rock," she told her, with a slight lisp. Athena lifted her up, looking at the rock.

"It sure is, Jan," Athena said sweetly, brushing her nose against the little one's. She sat down next Namjoon, setting 'Jan' on her lap. After a moment, the little one hopped off, the rock already forgotten. Jan pulled Athena along, wrapping her tiny hands around her forefinger.

Namjoon's eyes widened as something hit him. January. That's her name. How could he have forgotten his beautiful daughter's name? And that Athena was his wife, and they had a child. He watched them run around together, playing tag. A charming smile graced his face, which he'd certainly passed on to his child.

Suddenly, the sun stopped shining. He looked up and saw that clouds had covered the sun, thick and grey. He called to the two girls, who had wandered quite a ways away. Rain began to fall. Everything was in slow motion. They turned around, still smiling. Something, a dark shadow reached for them. Namjoon screamed in an attempt to get them to sense the danger. Athena looked up just in time for it to grab her. Suddenly, January was alone. Her smile was gone, and she turned in circles, looking for her mother.

The shadow came back, and a crack of thunder passed, blinding them. When it was gone, so was January. Namjoon ran after them, but he found nothing. Nothing except Jan's little rock. He felt lost, shock overwhelming him. Tears ran down his face, mixing with the rainwater. A howl of agony left his lips, falling to his knees. He curled into a little ball, his knuckles turning white from gripping the stone in his hands so hard.

"It's your fault," he whispered to himself. But despite his own soft tone, a louder, more booming one mimicked on a millisecond behind his own. The voice was familiar, and he recognized it as his own, as loud and nasty as it was.

"Please..." he cried, looking at the sky. Nothing answered. "Please..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon woke with a start. His vision was blurry and his face was wet. He looked around. He was in his studio. A sigh escaped his lips and he leaned back. It was a dream. Only a dream. Namjoon's heart rate slowed and he straightened his shirt. The clock read 7:34. In his heart, Namjoon was deeply affected by the dream, as much as he tried to brush it off. He was terrified.

Mindlessly, he called a cab and drove to Athena's. Just hearing her voice again reassured him. He had scared her, just bursting into her home and hugging with not explanation.

"Are you okay?" she asked, frowning.

"I am now."

~~~~~~~~~~

Tonight was supposed to be movie night, and they were indeed watching a movie, but Namjoon's mind was far far away, in a land where thoughts were constant and neverending. He was thinking about her, and the question. Her being Athena, and the question being 'do I wanna make it official?' For Namjoon, it was easier said than done. And after his dream, he was scared out of his wits. Namjoon could feel the pain of losing the two of them, even if one wasn't born yet. He knew that even though there are limited ways that he could break that, he was sure he would find a way. Somehow, Namjoon felt that if it was never officially a thing, then there was no possible way to have it collapse. After all, how can you break something that doesn't exist? This philosophy was stupid, and he knew it, because there was something there whether it was said aloud or not. He looked at the girl, who he knew loved him unconditionally, beside him. Athena was snuggled under his arm, watching with wide eyes.

"Athena, baby?" he asked out of the blue. She didn't look up at him.

"Mmmhhmm?" she mumbled, still paying attention to the movie. He hesitated, debating whether it was a stupid question or not.

"What if I broke you?" he asked. Namjoon bit his lip, wishing he hadn't said anything. She frowned and rolled over in his lap, so her head was resting on his thighs, looking at him.

"Why? You can't break the girl who fixes things," she said, her serious tone hidden behind a joking one.

"Say I did somehow. What would happen?" Namjoon asked, not meeting her gaze. She was silent for a long moment. After awhile she sat up part way, just enough so she could kiss his cheek.

"I guess you'd just have to fix me."