Broken//Kim Namjoon

6; Hello, We're BTS

 Namjoon sat up after looking at the clock. It was one thirty in the morning. He wedged his nail under his teeth, drawing a knee to his chest. He had spent so much time tossing and turning that he just gave up on sleeping. He silently stood up and left the room, trying not to wake Jimin.

The hallway was silent, and the click of the door closing echoed softly down it. He cringed at the sound, and half expected someone to come out of their room, but no one did. Without him thinking about it, he started walking. He passed the living room, and toward the balcony. Namjoon pressed his long fingers against the glass, his face close, breath fogging the door. The night was nice, cars humming, like always. The lights melded together, creating one collage of rainbow light.

In his trance-like state, he opened the door, which was rare. The door was usually shut tightly, for the balcony itself was miniscule, and you couldn't fit a chair there, so it was seldomly used. But Namjoon sat down anyway, letting his feet dangle between the railings bars. It was cold, especially in his basketball shorts and tee shirt, and he probably should have closed the door to prevent the heat from the apartment draining out the balcony.

Down below, several people slept under the building, either homeless, or extreme fans. Namjoon wrapped his hands around the bars, like a prisoner. When looking out, all he could see was Athena. Athena. Athena. Athena.

When he saw the stage, it was Athena. When he listened to music, it was Athena. When he ate ramen, it was Athena. Park Athena had become Kim Namjoon's world. Everything he did was fueled by her. Maybe it wasn't healthy, maybe it wasn't right, but his life was being held up by this one girl.

There was shuffling behind him, but he didn't turn around, perfectly still in the moonlight.

"Why the hell is it so cold?" Seokjin muttered, emerging from his room swaddled in six blankets. His cheeks and nose were tinged with pink due to the cold air pouring into the apartment. Jin stopped when he saw Namjoon sitting in the window. He held his breath for a moment, thinking it was some crazy intruder. He let out a little squeak. Jin grabbed a frying pan from the sink, preparing to hit the bandit, mumbling prayers that his pretty face isn't injured in the fight.

Seokjin crept forward, ready to strike. Upon closer inspection, however, her saw that it was just Namjoon. He let out a huge breath, dropping the pan and coming to the younger one.

"Namjoon, you scared the shit out of me. What the hell are you doing out here? You're gonna be sick tomorrow," he said, removing one of his many blankets and wrapping it around a still frozen boy. Jin finally noticed his lack of reply. "Namjoon? I said you're gonna be sick. Come inside."

"Maybe it would be better if I were sick, Jin. We could have Yoongs take my place, or have that Jung Min kid take it. Or the recording if we really must," he said quietly. Jin was taken aback by his statement.

"What? You've never missed a show before. What's wrong with you?" he asked, kneeling beside him.

"She's wrong with me, Jin," he whimpered, drawing his legs to his chest. "I'm scared. I love her so much. I really do. But she's coming tomorrow. To our performance. I'm scared I'll mess up. I can never focus with her."

Jin softened, and put an arm around the boy. "Use it, then." Namjoon frowned, not understanding. "You're a smart kid. So use her as motivation to do better."

"I don't know, Jin," he said. Even having this conversation was making him feel fuzzy.

"Oh c'mon. Just try it," he insisted, pushing and pulling on Namjoon's arm like a little kid. He looked over and saw the older one was doing aegyo. Namjoon closed his eyes and sighed.

"Fine."

~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon tapped his foot against the floor, adjusting his suit. It was black, with a thick, loose band around his neck, like a choker. Jewelry decorated his fingers, ears and shirt. He fiddled with his mic, even though he was specifically instructed not to, for fear he'd break the delicate thing. He paced back and forth, weaving in between crates and the stage crew. He gently bit his thumbnail, careful not to dent or break the makeup teams manicure.

Fans screamed just beyond the wall. Everyone else was calm about this, used to constant screeching, but tonight their leader was not. He couldn't help but wonder if Athena was one of them, screeching their lungs out. Namjoon was ushered into a line with the rest of the members next to the stage. Jin patted his back, giving him a thumbs up.

"And here is... Bangtan Sonyeondan!" that was their cue. The lights cut out. They all ran on, hurrying to their places. Namjoon's eyes searched the sea of faces for her, but it was dark and all the faces blended together like an oil painting. The music began, and so he had no time to think about it.

But about halfway in, he thought he spotted her to the left of the stage. At first he thought it was his imagination, but there she was, smiling and hopping up and down. She waved, and he smiled back, winking. Several girls screamed louder, thinking it was for them, but Athena knew who he had meant that for.

The rest of the show was a blur. After locating her in the audience, a newfound energy surged through his veins, which he harnessed, using her as motivation like Jin had told him to do. His grin never left his face.

"Thank you, we are Bangtan Sonyeondan!" the final words of the performance, before the lights were cut, and they headed backstage. The seven were ushered back to the dressing rooms to change.

"Hyung, you did so much better tonight," Hoseok said, a little weirded out by his leader sudden perfection of the routine. "Your dancing was on point."

"Yeah, you're always a full second behind me," Jimin said, earning a slap to the back of the head from Jin, who was still breathing heavily. "Aish, I was just saying he did well!"

"Namjoon has his reasons for it," Jin said, trying to get them off the subject. Taehyung crossed his arms and smirked.

"Is that his reason?" he asked, pointing behind them. The seven turned and looked at the girl in the doorway. She gave them a smile and waved awkwardly. They all were quiet.

"Hey," she said, breaking the silence. They looked at each other, and all at once they started talking. They crowded around her, question rapid-fire.

"Are you hyung's girlfriend?"

"Waow, he's lucky..."

"Did you fix my trophy?"

"Can you fix my toys?"

Namjoon pushed his way to her, and pried her away from them. "Hey, hey, hey! Calm down," he said, glaring at the rest of them. They backed off. He put his hands on her shoulders, holding her in front of him. "This is Athena, the girl I told you about." They immediately started talking again, the volume raising. "I'm actually going to leave if you don't shut up." They quieted down again. There was a moment of dramatic silence.

"So, who has a question?"