Mocha Chocolata

Fat

They said
ohmygodIloveworkingout
ohmygodIwannagetmuscles
ohmygodIwishIhadthismuscularbody
ohmygodIwannabecomefitter

I do have these muscles
I never really
worked
for them
I only danced
I didn't really care
I danced
Being naturally muscular is a curse
I dance

I look in the mirror
I look fat
my reflection stares back
at me
my reflection in a shirt
fat
my reflection in a dress
fat
my reflection in a skirt
fat
my reflection in pants
fat
my reflection in a top
fat
my reflection covered up
by any kind of
clothing
fat

Because I'm short
Because I'm not lean
Because I'm not
how the girls my size
should look like

Working out
they said
would change things

So I tried

But working out
made me stronger
stronger than I was
still
whatever I wear
I look fat

So I realized
all of a sudden
beauty is pain
and to be lean
one's gotta make
sacrifices

Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat
Don't eat

But I always do

Because I am not fat

Because I am healthy

Because I want to stay
healthy

Because maybe I look
fat
in some clothes
compared to the women
presenting fashion in magazines
compared to
everyone else my size
but the truth is.

I look goddamn good in my clothes.
No matter what they try to make me think.