Psychosis (ToLine FanFiction)

XII

D O M I N G O

When she said na she has psychosis, I was silent for a few seconds. Kaya ba lagi siyang nandito? I just gaze at her at the moment I was quiet.

"Its a very serious mental illness that makes you behave strangely or believe things that are not true." She said. "I already had this when I was still a kid, pero sabi nila mama, may third eye daw ako. Kasi I'm hallucinating during those times, so they thought na I'm seeing ghosts. Pero nung twelve ako, that's when I begin to think that some things are not real. Sometimes they are hallucinations, kaya I see people differently."

Hinayaan ko lang siya, ayokong mag interrupt, she'll stop naman when she doesn't want to tell me something that's too personal.

Hindi halata sa kanya na may ganon pala siyang klase na sakit. All I thought masiyahin siya, caring, sweet, thoughtful and a hard-working person.

"I'll tell you a secret," she looked at me kaya nagulat ako. "Please, don't tell anybody about this, and for the record, ikaw pa lang aside from my family knows this."

Please wag kang lilingon ng biglaan kapag tinititigan kita. Nagugulat ako e.

Ay no, Ceddy! Wag ka ngang mag isip ng ganyan!

"Sure. I promise." I reassured her.

She was quiet for a moment and set her eyes on the ocean again.

"I killed someone during my childhood." She mumbled.

Literal na nanlaki mata ko. Sinong hindi magugulat don? Yung tipong unti unti kang mapapanganga.

"But that's because of my illness. I killed my uncle because I thought he was one of those monsters that I see around me. He was completely black, disfigured humanoid shape. A little solid, but mostly hazy. Then there's this voice inside my head that tells me to kill those I see, lalo na pag hindi totoo." She paused. "Saktong nasa kitchen ako nun, I grabbed a knife and stab him in the heart.... Repeatedly."

It was flabbergasting na she had this childhood just because she had a mental illness.

"I was placed in a mental asylum for four years. Medication and therapy helped me. Ngayon, okay na ako. Pero sabi ng doctor ko, hindi naman guaranteed na stable ako for a lifetime. Pwede pa rin daw ma-trigger sakit ko kapag stressed masyado and kapag emotionally unstable," she picked a pebble and threw on the water.

"What do you do if nati-trigger ulit?" Out of nowhere, I asked her a question.

"Well, may mga gamot naman ako. So far, tumatalab naman. Tsaka may symptoms ako nararamdaman, kaya I know what to do." She answered.

Nag iba naman ako ng pwesto sa pagkaka upo ko. This time, I was facing her slightly.

"Tots, why are telling me this?" I asked again.

She looked at me, this time prepared na ako.

Pero shocked talaga ako kanina e.

"I am telling you this kasi friend kita. I know we'll get along. Tsaka gusto ko din na aware ka, para incase na magkasama tayo tapos na-trigger psychosis ko, hindi ka magpanic." She answered.

She was so jolly telling me all of this, na parang hindi siya natatakot for me na baka one day, she'll hurt me kasi natrigger sakit niya. But then I got the chance to gaze at her eyes, and saw that masaya talaga siya. Her eyes implies na hindi siya nahihirapan or hindi siya takot na baka matrigger sakit niya. She's just happy.