Last Words First

Prologue

I look at him, taking mental pictures of him. Studying and savoring every curve of him. The slenderness of his jaw, the dark brown of his hair that resembled his quarter-sized eyes, his straight nose, full pastel pink lips, his big shoulders and biceps, and his hands. His beautiful hands that can play the guitar and so many other instruments with so much love and burning passion.

My stomach sunk lower and lower as I felt how much closer we were getting to the airport. How much closer to saying goodbye. I had so little time but so many things to say.

We haven't really talked since the other night. I wonder if Jonathan had made him take me just to get us to make up before I leave. I want to. I just didn't know how.

What do you say to someone when the last thing you told them was that you didn't want to love them anymore?

My gaze falls back to his hands once more as they gripped the truck's stirring wheel.

I was going to miss him so much. So much, I hated myself for it. I hated myself for saying all the things I said last week. All of which probably hurt him.

I hope he knew it hurt me too.

He notices me looking at him and half smiles. "Hi."

"Hi." I say back.

"Nice weather we're having, huh?" He's trying not to laugh at his small talk.

Tears ascended from my eyes. My legs are shaking and I see his Adam's Apple move as he swallows.

He releases some force off the accelerator and turns off the engine.

We're on a road in the middle of a giant medow that is colored summer gold. Birds sing in the trees and my open window welcomes cool fresh air. The sky is clear and cloudless as the sun is not afraid to show itself without it's companions.

There's a long silence and I think of a million things to say.

I also think of a million things of what not to say.

I don't trust my mouth, but maybe it's not trust. Maybe it's just what he'll say back. What his reply will be.