Memoirs Of A Palace Maid

Preface IV

The Banner people have an old and honest tradition. When they know they are old and in ailing health, they bid farewell to their family and friends while they are still active. They will indicate that it would not be easy for them to come by for greetings anymore. This custom is called "ci lu".*

The main purpose is to say goodbye. Through many years of familiarity, it is inevitable that there will be some unpleasant times. Nobody wishes to carry their sores with them into the coffin when they are going to be buried. So they secretly say their apologies to ask for the other party's forgiveness. And they leave souvenirs for the younger generation, so that their memories are not lost like blown candles when people view these souvenirs. 

Ah! She had treated me as one of her closest person. I could not feel but grateful and sad. I also treated her with the respectful etiquette for an aged person.

We bought a chicken, some sheep liver, prepared a pot of noodles and some small snacks. We invited her to have some sliced chicken soup noodles, boiled mutton liver and some small dishes (chicken, mutton longevity noodles) and wished her an auspicious long life. 

We quietly proceeded with the unspoken farewell dinner. She had to stay the night since it was a farewell. At night, she talked about moving to the western suburbs with an old neighbour. She might not have many opportunities to enter the city. She thanked me for the many years of friendship. 

The next morning was a sad farewell. When I asked her for her address, she was vague and only said she would send a letter. My husband gave her two metres of velvet and said it will be cold in the country, the velvet can be used to make a pair of slippers. She accepted it with thanks. Because I was sick, I could only watch her limp away from the window. 

You can imagine her last years. I felt like I lost a reliable loved one. There was a piece of lead sinking in my heart. Every time, I think about it, I always felt depressed.

She was very reluctant to talk about the past and often said: "I fell from the sky, not onto the ground, but into the hut pits (toilets). Talking about the past only cause people to feel sad." She will only speak intermittently, only when the house is empty and quiet and she is in a good mood with people she can get along with. Over time, the conversations in my memory gradually grouped along four lines:

First, the life of a palace maid.

Second, the living arrangements of the Empress Dowager Cixi.

Third, Guang Xu's anecdotes.

Fourth, other trivia.

Translator's Notes:

* "ci lu" translates literally to "resignation road"