Ruin Us (Troyler AU)

Meant to Be

A/N: Hey dearies! Surprise! I'm capable of updating a reasonable amount of time after my last chapter! Thank you so so so much for all the lovely feedback on the last chapter. As always you have blown me away with your kindness. For those of you who don't follow me I have decided not to delete chapter 4. I was maybe being a bit overdramatic and illogical but shh don't tell anyone. Anyway, this chapter is where things really start to diverge from reality. I had this whole story planned out before Italy (and here I am three months later finally writing it haha), so yes, I know they didn't do the kiss in Italy, but I didn't bother to change it because from here on out things are gonna get quite a bit more AU anyway. For instance, in this reality TRXYE doesn't exist. For reasons. (It does exist in real life though and holy cats am I excited wow wow wow)

This chapter is dedicated to simplytenacious, whose utter brilliance I only discovered recently, but she has captivated me with her fic Breaking Down His Walls. I'm a big fan of Troyler AUs (shocking, I know) and this one is just so wonderfully done. I honestly can't wait to see what happens next.

There aren't any warnings for this chapter. It's a bit shorter than usual because I decided to split what was originally one chapter in my plans into two. Enjoy! This was a hard one to write, and I'd love to hear what you think, so please comment and vote and all that good stuff :)

April 2014

I walked down the hotel hallway, absentmindedly running my fingers along the textured wallpaper, the distinct feeling that this might be the most peaceful sixty seconds of my trip lodged somewhere between my shoulder blades. It probably wasn't true, but our time spent in Italy so far had been overwhelming to say the least, swimming with the unfamiliar language and beautiful sights and the constant and unshakeable fact that very soon our entire fandom would have seen us kiss. But if I was being honest with myself, it wasn't really the kiss that bothered me. Audiences didn't scare me the way they used to; being brightly visible was such a familiar part of my life that I knew how to deal with the nerves and the paranoia. No, what was really weighing on me was the fact that this wouldn't change anything. This relationship full of missed skype calls and desperate kisses and secrets that neither of us wanted to know would remain what it was, unlabeled and undeveloped.

Thoughts such as these had been plaguing me since Tyler's campaign reached 500k. Once the initial thrill of his accomplishment and panic at the thought of the kiss had died away there was only the uncomfortable itch of discontentment. I suddenly became hyperaware of every way our relationship wasn't working. I would feel Tyler holding back when he kissed me, his hands never wandering where they wanted to, his mouth never straying from mine, and what once had seemed thoughtful and kind now felt like an unnecessary hindrance. I would stare at my phone in the middle of the night, waiting for him to respond to a text, knowing that he was probably performing some trivial task like getting gas or depositing a check at the bank, and I would find myself cursing the fact that he would never bother to mention these things, that they were far too irrelevant to bring up with someone who lived across the world. Those words Tyler had spoken the day the campaign had reached 500k seemed to mock me unrelentingly. "It doesn't have to change anything." But that left the question, when would things change?

With all these thoughts haunting me day and night for the past couple months I had finally reached a decision. I would tell Tyler I wanted to announce that we were soulmates after the kiss. I didn't know where exactly we would go from there, but I felt sure it would be an impetus of some kind, something to spur our relationship forward.

When I reached the door to Tyler's hotel room I stopped, gathering myself for a moment, not sure how much of a battle it would be to convince Tyler to tell our secret. With a steely determination in my belly I raised my fist to knock on Tyler's door.