Ruin Us (Troyler AU)

Possessed by Light

A/N: Okay this is going to be an obnoxiously long author’s note, so I apologize in advance.

First of all, this is going to my last update for a while (roughly five weeks I think). I work at a residential summer camp, which means that for the next month-ish I will have almost no free time, and what free time I do have will be spent completely exhausted and surrounded by other counselors, which doesn’t really lend itself to writing. I’m sorry you’ll have to wait so long, but I hope you stick around because I definitely think y’all will like what happens in the next chapter. :)

Second of all, I’m really nervous about this chapter. There’s a lot going on, it’s very much in Troye’s head, and I had a lot of trouble getting it to a point where I felt good about it. So please please please let me know what you think in a comment. I really want to hear how you guys reacted to this and the impression you have of Troye and Tyler’s relationship so far. It’s also kind of short, because like I said last chapter, these were originally going to be combined. The chapter title comes from the same poem that the title of this story comes from (Scheherezade by Richard Siken) and there aren’t any warnings I don’t think.

Finally, I think this will be the last chapter that I dedicate to someone because I only intended to dedicate the first few, but this chapter is dedicated to PersistentlyDreaming. Not only is she a really amazing writer (go check out her stories, you will not regret it), but she has showed me so much support with this fic and I have really appreciated it.

As always, thank you all so much for reading and please comment and vote and all that jazz! I’ll miss you guys <3

The day flew by in a whirl of interviews and panels and selfies with eager fans. Surprisingly, it wasn’t all that difficult to put the argument from that morning to the back of my mind. Of course, it was always there, clawing around, searching for purchase in my thoughts, but I found it fairly easy to follow Tyler’s lead and ignore it. The promise of sorting it out later was soothing as the day took on a hectic quality. It wasn’t until we were about to go on stage for our Q&A that it came back, slapping me in the face with its sudden urgency. The backstage area was dimly lit and swarming with busy looking people. I reached out and pulled Tyler’s sleeve, tugging him towards me.

“Tyler,” I hissed, “I still think we should announce it.” He was silent for a moment before responding, his face nearly blank, but when he spoke his tone instantly gave away what he was about to say.

“Troye-” I cut off him off before he could tell me how crazy I was again.

“No, listen,” I said, our faces only inches apart so we could speak quietly enough not to be heard, “I need this, Ty. I need to feel like we’re going somewhere and like what we are isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’m not asking if you want to do this, I’m asking if you’re willing to sacrifice our secret for me.” Tyler looked at me helplessly, biting his lip. I held my breath, some part of me still praying that he would give in. Then he started to shake his head slowly and something inside me seemed to rip, a silent scream trapped in my stomach.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” I wanted nothing more than to want to yell, to have to restrain myself from slapping the apologetic sorrow off of his face, but I couldn’t bring myself to anger. Instead I turned away from him, trying to hide the hot tears pricking my eyes. My throat was tight and my stomach was in knots and I knew it had nothing to do with wanting to announce our relationship and everything to do with wanting Tyler to care. I felt his hand on my shoulder and I walked away, wincing as it slid off. I couldn’t leave the backstage area, but I needed to put some space between Tyler and myself while I put myself back together.