distance ➼ ajm [in editing]

9

"unsteady"

Her

➾ ➾ ➾

"What are you doing here?" My mom asks a shocked expression was on her face to why her daughter was knocking on the door at 11 pm at night. My dad hurriedly lets me in, and my mom brings me into a hug.
"I decided I didn't want to stay at AJ's tonight," I say, "How'd you get here?" my dad asks leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I ubered," I reply, trying to keep my voice steady so they didn't know I had been crying.

My dad nods before yawning, "Well I'm going to bed, I'm beat," he says, I give him a quick kiss goodnight and silently watch him walk up the stairs. "Why are you really here?" my mom asks, instead of following him up.
I give her a confused look, "What do you mean?" I ask, "You would beg to be able to stay over at AJ's house, especially since he's been away recently." she replies, "And why did Ally or Aaron let you uber at 11 o'clock at night," she questions clearly not buying the cover story of me simply wanting to come home.

I bit my lip nervously, "Mom?" I ask, my voice cracking, "Something happened back at AJ's and I don't know what to do," I say, my mom, immediately sees my distress and pulls me into a hug to comfort me.

"AJ and I fought. His parents were out, so I ubered it here and I couldn't stay there." I say my voice weak from all the crying I had gone through that night. 

"Did he hit you?" My mom asks pulling away for a second, I shake my head, "No... No... God no." I say laughing weakly, my smile fades and I sniffle as she pulls me to sit down on the couch, I play with my hands nervously.

"We've never fought like this mom, never" I explain, "And like he yelled at me, and I- 've never seen this side of him. He made me feel worthless, and at one point the air like shifted, we were both yelling and screaming and I knew if I stayed there it would just get worse so I left, and I don't think I could ever lose the image of how he looked when I said I wanted to go home."

"He looked crushed like I had broken him." I say as tears fall softly down my cheeks, "But the thing is he broke me too, and he's been doing it softly, I didn't notice how much he was hurting me." I breathe.

"Is this about you guys not being public?" my mom asks, I nod, "Yeah." I say, "He yelled at me, called me selfish that I wanted attention," I explain, closing my eyes as I remember his harsh words, "And like it's not that I want attention, it's just sometimes I want to show that he's mine. And I'm his," I say my mom nods in understanding. "I know darling, I know. But think how he must feel he can't show you off? Or what about those guys hitting on you at the Grove, and he couldn't say you were his, it must kill him,"

My mom and I talk for a bit before I excuse myself so I can go to bed, not wanting to talk about the situation any more than I already had.

"It's late isn't it?" I ask she nods, I chew on my lip, "Hey," she warns. "It's fine. I rather talk to you anyways," she says softly.

xxx

AJ

I remember the urgency on her mom's face when she came to get me from the waiting room "AJ, she refuses to go into surgery until she sees you," I ran all the way to her room.

"AJ," she weakly, she was hooked up to every machine possible, wires going in and out of her body. 

"Baby, fuck I'm so sorry this is all my fault," I say my voice breaking, "We'll get through this," I say rushing to her side, she goes to remove her oxygen mask. "Baby no," I say stopping her, her parents watched from the edge of the bed. Nurses and doctors along her bed, some waiting out the room. 

"I'll see you when you get out of surgery," I say kissing her forehead, she squeezes my hand, "No," she says, "Babe," I begin again, but she holds up her 3 fingers, she didn't hold them up long, but long enough for me to see our signal. 

It was signal the other person to stop, and listen, so I shut my mouth. "I love you, forever." she says struggling to breath, "and always," she breaths her eyes rolling back into her head, monitors go off and I'm torn away from her, as doctor's shout codes, while her mom cries into her dad's chest, and I feel as if I felt my entire world be torn away forever. 

xxx

I sit in the hospital waiting room, she was in surgery now, I sat anxiously. I had my headphones in, I look at my phone, opening my contacts I click on voicemails and play the last one she had sent me. 

"Hey Babe," her voice emits from the speakers of my phone. "I'm sorry I have been ignoring you. I needed some time to clear my head. I saw your text earlier, did you get my reply?" she asks, "Oh I'm at a stop light, so don't worry when you get this. I'm safe," she says, and I can imagine her smiling as she says that, I listen closely hearing the background noise of traffic, and the sound of Shawn playing on the radio, and if I listen close enough you could hear her breathing.

"I'll meet you at your house at noon?" She asks, "Um our house, I'll be home soon. So we can talk. I love you. I love you so much, AJ. I hated not being with you, I'm sorry. I'll be home soon, I love you, I know I keep saying that," She laughs, "I miss you. Bye- shit I mean see you later. Love yo- AH!" She screams and the horrible sounds of a car's breaks screeching plays. Followed by a thud, followed by more thuds, and the sound of the phone being dropped. Noises are muffled, but I hear incoherent shouts, tears flow down my face as I listen, I hear more shouts. The noises continue as I hold my breath, hoping she'd pick up the phone and yell it was a prank some sick joke, that she was fine. She was on her way home. But she doesn't. Instead, the tone plays, signalling that she had used up all the time she had to record a voicemail for me. I exit the voice mail and go to our messages, to see if she answered mine.

Baby, just got your voicemail

You okay?

Where are you?

Baby, answer me. You are scaring me

Are you okay?

Please come home.

I can't lose you

I love you

Read 11:11 am

But she wasn't ever coming home, she wasn't even gonna leave the hospital before she left me. 

I was a little unsteady. 

Fuck that.

My whole world was flipped. 

xxx

a/n: I'm so so sorry for this... 1 more chapter before it's all over