Hamilton oneshots (CANCELLED)

If only... 1

Alexander's perspective

Depression

Its not something you can just forget about, some people are lucky and has a chance to move on while some people have to suffer.

People who can never move on.

People who just await death.

People that are always alone, ignored, unwanted.

People like me.

I sigh to myself and look at the abyss of nothingness in my ceiling

Why cant I just end it all?

Maybe I should? It would be better for everyone. No more suffering for me and no more me bothering everyone around me

I glance over to the sleeping pills and the knife on my night stand for the millionth time

Maybe. Just. Maybe.

I stopped myself

There's things I want to do, things I want to enjoy, I stood up and walked over to my closet and see a sheet of paper pinned to the door

It was a bucket list, I've kept it since I was ten years old, well I've re-written it multiple times since paper is highly damagable. I also have a copy on my phone, I read them

*go to the beach ✔️
*go ice-skating 
*go to a good college ✔️       
*stay over at someone else's house ✔️
*eat a whole pizza ✔️
*go through someone's phone
*have a girlfriend ✔️
*have a boyfriend    
*have my first kiss ✔️
*go to a theme park
*go hiking ✔️   
*eat Mac and cheese
*cuddle in a fireworks display
*wear contact lenses ✔️
*do the cliche going for a cheek kiss then turn my head to kiss thing
*see a 3D movie
*be called adorable
*ride a shopping cart ✔️
*gets kicked out because of riding a shopping cart ✔️
*get kissed on the forehead
*get recognized by a fan
*kick someone in the balls ✔️
*hold hands while walking in the park at night ✔️
*have someone list down things they like about me
*live a happy life

Its kind of pathetic, most of the things I wanna do are normal everyday things people do 

I want to complete this. My life hasn't been the best but maybe these simple things would give me satisfaction before I end it all

But I don't think I can do anything with relationships who would date someone like me

But maybe right? Why not?

But I cant keep trying forever

I look at my phone calendar

I'll give myself half a year to fulfill everything in this list then I can go end it all

6 months

I can make it by then

Most of the things I wrote were about relationships and I should probably do that first

(420 words)

I texted a friend of mine to meet me at Starbucks later so we can talk about relationships and such