late night snapchatting. // bxb

cascades

but suddenly

when i thought i got over it

over kaleb and over maddie and over being sad all the time

i feel cascades of

guilt

jealousy

anger

frustration

i did this to myself

i let him escape my fingertips into her much more wicked ones

and it's his fault, right

or is it mine

because i let go without even knowing it

but was i even holding onto him in the first place

yes of course

we were for each other, holding on for life

since there wasn't anyone else as close as us

and now i am fading into black

because i am escaping these cascades

which have already set in my veins

because they're blue

the same color as kaleb's eyes

which is a constant reminder of what grandeur i used to have

and now a newfound megalomaniac comes out of the inferno

i looked at my best friends list again

S•KALEB🌊💕 664🔥 S•ALANA☀️ 653🔥
S•MARGE👑 589🔥 S•THEO☮️ 217🔥
S•CAMM👓 352🔥 S•CALLUM💅🏿 105🔥
S•GRASS🌿 161🔥 S•ANDIE💇🏻‍♀️ 419🔥

we still had our streak

alana stopped keeping them

and i decided to text him

and tell him how i felt

because honestly, honesty is better than stalling

moonlight

and so i typed

hru

but i erased it

no, too forward, too unacknowledged of what's happening

so then i typed

hey...

no

too passive aggressive

my statement is too bold there and i don't like it

and again i erased it

and then i typed yet again

we need to talk

yes, perfect

it gets to the point

and shows what i care about

the reason behind all this nonsense

and so, i sent it

ME
we need to talk

i stared at the screen

waiting for his little icon to appear in the corner

and for him to type

so when he did start to type

it felt like it already happened

honestly it was surprising

the message said

S•KALEB🌊💕
about?

is he trying to leave me behind

because he's doing a goddamn good job at it

ugh whatever

ME
you and maddie
why r u guys even together
honestly
you have been ignoring me and school is almost out
and i miss you

i might've gone on a tangent there

but oh well

and then he slowly started to type back, taking awhile

i waited quietly

then the message popped up

S•KALEB🌊💕
to be honest, she forced me to be in a relationship with her
she would spread a rumor that i was gay and asked you out
so my reputation could be doused
she really wants me to be there for her... it's sad
so with my soft heart i had to say yes

immediately, without thought, i typed back

ME
does reputation matter more to you than your friends?
honestly kaleb, you really need to be logical here
i am not mad or anything, just it is sad to see this husk of you from a distance
i want you to come back

he didn't respond after that

he just read it

that's it

ugh fuck me

why is he even doing this for her

is it for my friends

or maybe for me

well this is just awful

terrible

she took my kaleb away

maddie carson

i assure you

i will do something awful

AWFUL

to you

to get my kaleb back

i'm going insane

but that insanity

drives me to justice.