Project Queen (Urban Fiction)

Chapter Twelve

CHAPTER TWELVE

Larry's version of the events leading to Dana's death was accepted as the truth. No one cared about what had really happened to Dana except maybe his relatives. The two men involved, Sly and Willie, pleaded guilty to attempted murder. They'd be behind bars for a long time. Toby's wounds healed and he went back to school. Everyone had adjusted and moved forward with their lives except for Shae.

She kept having nightmares. She'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night. She couldn't sleep alone, so Larry moved in with them. She started crying for no reason and couldn't explain why. She had turned into an emotional wreck. She feared that maybe she was going insane like her mother.

Larry didn't know what to do. He tried to be supportive and understanding. His own nerves were shot. He finally made a suggestion.

"Shae, you got to pull it together," he told her one morning after he found her crying into her plate of food. "You are stronger than this. Don't let it break you. If you fall apart, all of it- everything would have been for nothing. Dana's death would be for nothing." She continued to cry, not able to stop. "Please. I hate seeing you like this." He licked his lips nervously. "Maybe you should talk to someone. Maybe that would help."

"If that's what you want," she managed to say between sobs. "I don't know what's wrong with me," she said, wiping at her tears.

"Will you do it? Will you go talk to someone about how you feel? I don't know what to do. I'm not a professional."

"I'm willing to do anything. Anything. I just want to be like I used to be. Just don't leave me, Larry. I need you."

"I'm not going no where, baby. I'm in it for the long haul." After everything we've been through, please know that."

She nodded and whispered, "I know."

"I just want you back."

Shae found the card that Vivian gave her months ago. She called the number and set up an appointment with a counselor. She felt better just by doing that. She'd taken the first step.

The first time she talked to the counselor, they focused on her unhappy childhood. She vented her frustration about being deserted by her father, having to care for her younger siblings, and being constantly belittled and both physically and mentally abused by her mother. She got to let out the anger she felt, the resentment, and the hatred. She voiced her fears about thinking she'd become like her mother.

The counselor was very attentive and non-judgmental. They ended the session by dealing with self-esteem issues and anger management. Shae discovered that it was okay to be angry. It was okay to feel confused. She had a renewed hope and left feeling that things would only get better.

After a few more sessions with her counselor, she could talk openly about her mother and how she felt. She found that she wanted her mother's approval, even her love. She would forgive her for the abuse, but she couldn't forget about her poisoning the twins or killing Ma Violet. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to forgive any of it. Only God could forgive certain sins.

***

"Shae, I thought you said that counseling was helping you?" Toby questioned.

"It is. Why?" She turned to look at him.

"You don't look so good," he told her. "Hell, you look tore up from the floor up!"

"Thanks," she said sarcastically. "I just feel nauseous. Sick to my stomach."

"Oh, maybe it's the flu. Ma Violet used to always fix lemon tea with honey. It worked." He looked in the refrigerator and rummaged around. "We don't have lemons, but I'll go to the store and get some."