Not Over You

Prologue

I don't know exactly what is the meaning of love. Or how do people usually describe it. For me, perhaps the meaning of love is when I feel something weird five years ago about my boyfriend right now. The feel of belonging, the butterfly in your stomach, happiness, temptation, and fear, all at once. I always thingking about him, I always wanna be with him, I want his existence to walk along with me wherever I go, I want his attention, I want his figure to always be there for me, for real, for good. My mind…can’t stop thinking about him (I said it twice), I do also imagine things which is literally weird and completely impossible about him, but I made me happy, all of those imagination make me feel one step closer to him. I’m losing my mind, even losing my self-esteem, I’ll do anything that people say taboo as a girl to a boy to make him notice about me, such as, text him first, saying hi first, and sometimes act with different personality that I consider he would prefer. Luckily, he felt the same about me even long long time before I feel that thing called love about him, and he loved me for who I am so I don’t have to change who I really was. And apparently, things that I’ve done to get his attention (eventough he’s already pay attention on me) just made our way to some bond that people called with dating a little bit more easier, let’s say if the fact that we’ll through that before dating process about two months, I’ll shorted it into only one month. It made him more confident to confess his feeling to me because he have 70% faith that I have the same feeling about him.

Anyway, that is my perception about love. And, why loved someone? What made you fall into a person, or a thing? Some people say their love their job, some other say they love their parents, love where they live, and so on, so does the causes. “I love my job because it’s easy and produce a lot of money.” “I love my parents because they always give me what I want and never yell at me.” “I love my place because it’s quite calm and have a nice weather.” Am I rude to interrupt and say in my opinion that’s not love. What if you have a mean boss and have to work all day and night just to get a few money that only sufficient your daily needs? But your country is on economy crisis, your family needs support and that’s the only occupation that will accept you with your degree? Will you quit because you don’t love it? What if your parents not allowed you go out at night and don’t have enough money to buy you an iPhone? Will you stop loving the person who had delivered you into this world? And I don’t think I should continue the another example because that would be pointless. The thing is, you don’t love someone or something for an excuse. I’m the person who thought that ‘If you can give a reason why you love something or someone, that’s not love, that’s liking.’ I don’t love my boyfriend because he is handsome, smart, romantic or etc, I love him because…I love him. I can’t tell my heart to whom it supposed to beat faster, I can’t deny feelings that got into me with a magical way. Love give you strength to pass through hard days, it gives you acceptance to some minus about the one you loved, love is priceless.

And based on my theory above, I saw a man on YouTube who played many instrument and direct a lot awesome music video, a few second before I figured out who’s his name is, my mind said; “I’m in love with him.” And he is Kurt Hugo Schneider, this will be a very long page if I gave his biography so I assume you already about him and how awesome he is. So I said I love him, but sometimes my consciousness asked “Really?” And by the time I’m 100% sure this is not just a feeling from ordinary fan girl to her celebrity crush, it give me so much trouble in my reality life. And there will me one person who stand up against my feeling to Kurt,

my boyfriend.