Not Over You

Chapter 4

Rara's POV

Finally I decided to call Randy, yeah I’ll just try maybe I’ll get lucky, I hope Randy is in some kind of good mood or something.

“Hi gorgeous,” He said. Well, hi.

“Hi Hun, what are you doing right now, am I disturbing you?” Ooooh my Gosh I am so nervous. I’m scared. What if he gets mad? What if he won’t let  me go? What if he wants us to break up?

“Hmm, actually I’m reading “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff” right now. Is there something wrong, Hun? This is just not so you to call up and ask me what am I doing right now and wondered whether you disturb me or not. What’s the matter?”

Busted! Damn he knew me so well. I really don’t know how to say it. It feels like I’m running out of word. Okay, okay. Take a deep breath Rara. Just ask him politely, slowly, and hope he won’t get mad. Sigh…

“Randy, is there any possibility for your graduation to be reschedule?” My heart beats faster waiting for his respond. I cannot imagine what will he say next.

“Haha, reschedule?”

“Uh huh,” I bit my tongue.

“What do you-, Reschedule what do you mean are you unable to attend my graduation. But why?” He sounds very hopeless. My dear, how am I supposed to answer that. I stays in silent for a few second. Preparing  my self for the worst. Then I say it,

“…Kurt and Sam are coming to Indonesia.” I hold my breath for a few seconds.

“On 18th of June? Huh?” He got it quickly.

“Umm…Ya...”

And the next thing I know was we argued a lot, I consider it as bargain but he seems very hateful. He deserve to refuse my wish but he don’t have to hate Kurt and Sam a lot. Or maybe he hate me too now.

“If you really want to meet ‘em then just go. You don’t have to attend my graduation. You don’t have to be my companion…You don’t have to be there for me.” He sounds very sad at the end of his sentence and it made feel really bad. But then he hang up the phone without saying goodbye or anything else. Heeey that’s rude. He don’t have to be that mad. It’s just graduation thing, or, meet and greet thing too, I guess. Or maybe I’m the one who supposed to  be mad. This problem is discussable, we can sit and talk and think which way is the best. He don’t have to shut me out.

But few moments later I realize that I’m the bad guy here. I’m the one who ask such a stupid question like that. I supposed to attend Randy’s graduation with no doubt. He is my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about five years. He’s always there for me with no question. He never bargain if I ask him to do something for me, even for unnecessary or silly things. He gave me everything I need in this life. He made all my friends jealous because I have such a very loyal and kind life partner. But, is there any other Samily or Team Kurt out there who’s in my position right now, what will they choose? Aaaaaah I want to meet Kurt and Sam so bad. I might don’t have any chance to say “Hi” to them or what, but I want to see them for real, that’s what I’ve been dreaming for my whole life. I guess I have to give up.

But suddenly my phone rang and it was Randy. I have to apology right now.

“I’m sorry.” He said with almost whisper.

“No, I’m sorry. I’m such a dumb.”

“We both are dumb. Blinded with each other’s ego.”

“No you’re not. Attend your graduation is my obligation. And  you’re just fight for what is rightfully yours.”

“You are free to go…But I’m sorry I can’t drive you to the meet and greet venue because I have to, yeah, you know, graduated, hehe.” He giggled.

“No it’s okay. I won’t come to meet and greet. I will be your full time companion.” I smiled while I said that.

“Really?! Wow, thank you, sweetheart. Thank you. Truly I am…” He sounds very happy when he know that. It feels like a part of my problem has been lifted. I’m also happy but, kinda sad. Or should I say, extremely sad. My heart is drowning in tears because I just prevent myself from seeing my idol.

I don’t say anything to Randy but said he’ll take me to an all you can eat dinner tonight and he will pay all the bills. He’s very excited and grateful, I can’t say anything but “Okay.” To him, we said each other goodbye and I hang up the phone. What’s wrong with me? I feel terribly sad and I feel like exhausted for some mysterious reason. I grab my iPod a moment after that and I had to do the hardest thing in my life. I will unfollow Kurt and Sam’s Instagram and Twitter (I don’t use Facebook anymore) and also unsubscribe their YouTube channel, just in case. It might sounds silly but since I can’t go to their meet and greet, it will be like I’m torturing myself if I see their updates about Asia Tour 2014, because I’m dying to  be a part of it. I made my own decision. Love is putting someone’s happiness before yours, I think I’ve heard that before in somewhere but I’m not really sure. But that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I love. Kurt. But I love Randy more. So, yeah. Here I am. Letting go my own chance to meet Kurt and Sam while praying for another chance, another year. I’m so sorry Kurt, and Sam…