Life is Crazy (Real Story)

Chapter 3 I Just Want Her To Be Mine

One day, me and Shay were on facetime and she was telling me stuff about how she has a little funny bone feeling about me but i just let that go in one ear and out the other, because when I ask you to admit you don't want to but now she wants to so she just be clueless sometimes. I didn't know what I was going to do I had boys liked me but I was like fuck em. Omg she was so sweet till you would fall in love with her on the phone from her voice till you see are face to face. Half of the time she dosen't want to get off the phone with me when I say bye I don't know why but she just don't . I always say bye first because she don't understand how much I like her and I just be falling in love and I try to stop my self and say bye because I know if I was to stay on the phone with her I might accidently say I love you and I don't want her to feel that way. We had this one mistake my cousin was her baby ughhhhhh I hated it . Sometimes I wonder if I would have never hooked them up would we be together are what . I'd never like telling Shay anything like this before because I feel if I was to express my self to her she would never talk to me again . With that being said I'll feel like I'm playing with her emotions because I don't like when people play with mine . Me and Shay always got in arguements about admitting to eah other I say "U like me huh" Shay says "I do but I mean I have Ray and I don't wanna ruin what we have together because I  really love him". I say "Oh". That's the type of stuff that be making me mad because I be there one minute she like me and stuff then Ray pop up in her mind and she want him sometimes I get that feeling I don't even want to take to her on a couple of years because I mean if thats the love of your life why should I be in it . I just want her to be mine so bad till I want to tell her I'm in love with her . She ask me one time "Whatchu want" I said "You" I didn't mean to say that because she don't know how I feel about her deeply. Mane I just be feeling like dang that's kinda acually my heart and soul and  never feel comfable telling her anything what's so ever. The first day I saw her I just thought she was a messy girl but when I got to know her she was actually a pretty cool chick . We both had our ups and downs sometimes I'll stop talking to her for weeks because I just couldn't get over the fact that she went out with my cousin. That day I hooked them up I was pissed off like WTF did I just do I thought I liked her and I had feelings for her but look I guess not. I told her one day I said " Shay you know I like you alot" she said "You do dang both cousin have the same feelings for me". I was like I know but you know what forget about it because it seems I'm never gonna get you so what do I need to keep trying for it just not working. I started thinking the whole thing was irrelevant because she had deep feelings for Ray. I hate saying that name even tho he my cousin but damn it's like he kinda stole her from me but not exactly because we didn't have anything going on but when I talk to her she put's my love on top but  I guess I gotta let that go.

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