Coping With Clarity

Chapter Six

A couple of days later she’s wrapped in her child-aimed Hello Pony sleeping bag. Selena has spent two nights in a row at the hospital, this present one makes it a third. Her essay is half completed but still stuffed in her bag until it sees the light of day on monday.

Selena wonders if people knew the true, horrifying statistics of the amount of people affected by strokes; would they start to take better care of themselves? Non-stop in and out. She’s taken to calling those affected ‘deliveries’ just to lessen the emotional attachment she feels for those admitted. She’s not a doctor. She’s not meant to care. She doesn’t care.

All those statements are directed our a window when the cool floor against her feet reminds her that she does care, otherwise she’d be asleep, and not standing outside Demi’s room.

She totally wasn’t thinking about their last conversation, especially not the sleepover comment. Because the idea of it was strange. A sleepover in a hospital. It was like an oxymoron.

Selena pulls the covers over her small shoulders a little more as she builds up the nerve to either knock or walk away. The choice is hard because its almost one a.m. and Selena doesn’t have a clue about Demi’s sleeping habits; and she doesn’t want to leave to spend another night alone in that godforsaken family room. She wanted company. It was the first time she consciously acknowledged that she wanted to see Demi.

Nerve had built. Her selfishness wins out and brushes against the polished door. Demi’s name plate is back, now identifying that she resides inside.

Karma creeps up. No sooner had her hand touched the door did a larger palm clap onto her shoulder.

“Holy freaking-!” Selena can’t believe she managed to keep her exclamation to a whisper.

She’s helped by the hand into turning round round as the sudden contact shocked her. A roughly forty year old man towers just above her. Its give or take on his age because the ward lights are on ‘eco’ which means there’s more chance of seeing in a coal mine than in the ward.

“Is there any reason your sneaking around here at night?” The man’s voice comes, it sounds as if he could easily lose his voice. He almost whines.

Selena presses her hand to her heart to show him that she was still recovering from his abrupt appearance. He patiently gives her a moment, but continues to look at her with suspicion. 

“I’m not sneaking around.” She eventually murmurs in her defense. She wasn’t, if she was, he wouldn’t have caught her. Selena is a sneaking champion. 

“Right, so is there a real reason your dragging a sleeping bag around, knocking on my patient’s doors?” He makes no attempt to lower his voice, which annoys Selena greatly.

“My mom is a doctor.” She grumbles as if it made it all better. The man tugs at his white coat in fake surprise.

“Would you look at that, me too! But thats not an answer.”

Selena admits that this doctor isn’t as gullible as she would have liked, which gains him some respect. Shuffling in her bag she gestures to Demi’s room.

“Look I just wanted to see her. I didn’t want to stay another night in the family room, alone.” She adds as an after thought, hoping for some sympathy. The man reads the plate on the door swiftly and turns back to the wear Selena.

“Demi is asleep, lights out is at eleven. I’m sorry but your going to have to go- I can’t just disturb her because you want somewhere to stay.” He reasons. Selena feels like stomping her feet.

“Its not like that. She sorta invited me. And by sorta I mean, she was joking but it was a good idea- so can’t I just-” Her mini speech seems to click in the man’s mind. He looks once again to Demi’s door and then squints at Selena. She shivers.

“Are you the girl then?” He asks. Vagueness pollutes the sentence. Are you? Selena stepped back closing the space between herself and Demi’s door.

“What do you mean ‘Am I the girl’?” She retorts. The slightly balding man rubs his hand on his forehead.

“Look, I’m sorry for snapping.” He straightens up. “I’m Doctor DeLuise and I run this ward.”

“So your Demi’s doctor?” Selena can see how it would work. It also makes sense and reassures her that there is someone, seemingly, competent running the ward, considering what she’d seen of ‘Henrie’ previously.

“Yes, I am.” He confirmed.

“When you say - am I the girl? What are you talking about?”

Dr DeLuise smiles slightly and moves to touch Demi’s door. The click it makes as he opens seems as loud as a gunshot to Selena, but the figure inside is still curled up in her sheets, oblivious.

“I mean, are you the girl she’s been talking about?”

Selena looks into Demi’s room to see her sleeping form. She was glad DeLuise had opened the door, something told her that she wouldn’t have been able to do it without waking Demi.

The sheets are tangled in her long legs, woven around limbs. Her hair is splayed on her pillow, framing her soft face. The only sign of life came from the back-and-forth of her chest.

“She talks about me?”

To hear that. To hear from Demi’s doctor. Demi talked about her.

“Yeah. Has done for a couple of days. When did you meet her?”

Selena gives him a vague answer as she quietly observes Demi. The doctor realizes her fascination after his comment, smiling to himself.

“You know. It was nice of you to keep coming.” Selena looks into his brown eyes as his voice soothes over.

“What?”

“She could do with someone, like you, to talk to. A friend.” He turned to the brunette slumbering silently in her room.

“I know you want to stay but maybe it’s best if we let her sleep.” DeLuise offered. Selena nodded absentmindedly. She was a friend. She wassomething to this girl.

“She’ll have a lot of friends.” Selena spoke, surprising DeLuise who had put an arm around her shoulders- in a fatherly gesture.

“Sorry?” He asked. Selena looked up at him again.

“She’s gonna have a lot of friends, as soon as she gets out of here.” Selena doesn’t want to sound bitter for Demi. From the brief times they had spent together, Selena could predict that she would. Even though she wouldn’t be Demi’s only something.

“As soon as she gets better.” Selena positively states. DeLuise’s arm tightens around her as they walk to the double doors.

“When she gets better.” DeLuise agrees. Selena pauses at the outside of the ward and looks back in, past DeLuise.

“Can I ask you something? If its okay.” DeLuise nods, though slightly confused.

“A.M.L. What does it stand for?” Selena hasn’t thought about it since Demi had initially brought it up in their first meeting. But now, now that Demi has talked about her, she wants to talk- to know about Demi.

“I can’t really-” DeLuise tries to shrug away her inquiry.

“Can’t you just tell me what it stands for?” Selena pleads to him. He seems to waver in the face of her pout - saw - combination.

“It stands for acute myeloid leukemia.”

Selena can only nod for now, until she knows what it is.

Her sleeping bag was harder against the ground than it had been previously.