Fighting temptation

Chapter 2

*Selena's Pov*

My heart plummets as we stare at each other silently for a moment, "Ok, and what does this mean exactly? Where would you go? Don't you have to qualify first before you can even be accepted?"

He clears his throat, "I have already been accepted. I had to do some written exams and evaluations but I passed. I actually scored really high on them. I'm going to their training facility in Coronado, California."

"What do you mean you have already been accepted? Just how long have you thought about this?"

He clears his throat cautiously, "I started the process about 6 months ago Sel."

I stare at him in shock, "What!? Six months? You have known about this for 6 months and never said anything to me?" Hurt strikes deep in my chest replacing my shock, "I can't believe you kept this from me."

"Shit. I know, I'm sorry Sel. I didn't want to upset you if I wasn't going to make it and pass the exams," there's a moment of silence between us before he continues, "I need to do this Selena. I need to get out of this fucking town, I don't belong here. I had always planned on leaving one day, I just didn't know it would be for the Navy. The only thing that has been keeping me here this long has been you, and well, maybe Coop too."

I stare at him dumbfounded, "How can you say you don't belong here Justin? You grew up here for heaven sakes."

"That's exactly my point Selena, everyone knows my shit. They know what I come from. Don't tell me you don't see how many people look down their fucking noses at me, especially when we're together. Every one of them wonders what sweet little Margaret Sinclair's granddaughter is doing being friends with a fuck-up like me."

"I know some people are stuck-up in this town but I'm sure it doesn't happen as much as you think it does. Please don't do this! Don't leave because you think you need to prove yourself." The thought of him leaving and not being able to see him everyday kills a small part of me.

"I'm not doing this to prove something to them Selena. I don't give a fuck what they think of me, I'm doing this for myself. I think I've found something that I'm going to be really good at. I did so well on the evaluation that the superior officers are excited to meet me."

"Can't you choose something else? Something that isn't so dangerous? How about being a mechanic? Or owning your own motorcycle shop, you would be so good at that and that would be fun!" I try to sound upbeat at the last part, hoping he takes the bait, but he doesn't.

He watches me with amusement and I can tell he's holding back a laugh.

I sigh in defeat, "It was worth a try."

He chuckles and puts his arm around me. When he looks down at me his expression becomes serious again, "I have a chance to do something good with my life. I can't give this up. Tell me you understand," he reaches out and brushes a piece of hair out of my face.

"I'm trying, it's just hard. I don't want to lose you," my voices cracks as I struggle to hold in my pain.

He leans his forehead against mine, "You won't lose me Sel, we'll still see each other, obviously not as much as we do now, but we'll work something out."

"When do you leave?" I whisper sadly. He lets go and looks wearily at me. "Justin?" I ask, feeling panicked again.

He clears his throat, "Saturday morning, I take the ferry to Charleston and fly out from there."

"What? This Saturday- as in three days from now!"

"I know, I'm sorry. I just found out yesterday. They don't give you much time." We sit in silence for a few minutes then he turns to me and cups my cheek, "Are we ok?"

We are ok, I am not, but I don't tell him that. Instead I cover his hand with mine and nod because my throat is too tight to speak.

"Listen, I have a lot to get done before I leave but how about we go out Friday? We can grab supper and then come hang out here for the night."

"Sure, that sounds good. Anyways I better get home. I am later than what I told Grams I would be and I don't want her to worry."

And I really don't want to completely lose it in front of you.

"Alright, come on, I'll walk you to your car."

Crap! Now it's my turn to be nervous, "Um, I didn't drive here, I walked."

He tenses and glares at me, "Selena! What the fuck are you thinking!? You know better."

"Calm down! It was a beautiful night and I wanted to walk. It's not that far, sheesh!"

"I don't give a shit! You know not to ever walk at night by yourself!" He lets out a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair, "Let's go, I'll take you home."

"Justin, I want to walk and besides I don't have my helmet and I'm wearing a dress."

"Selena I don't care if you're wearing a fucking dress. Either I drive you back or I follow you home, it's up to you."

I know there is no sense in arguing when he gets like this so I just roll my eyes and agree.

When we get to his bike he grabs his helmet and puts it on for me, making sure the strap is tight. He gets on and starts the bike looking over at me impatiently. Jeez, he can be grumpy. I hike my dress up to my thighs. Not too indecently, but enough to get on. I have ridden on this bike a thousand times before so I know the ropes. To be honest one of my favorite things to do is ride with Justin. I love getting to be so close to him. I wrap my arms around his waist and instantly warm from his body heat. When he takes off I turn my face to the side and rest my head on his back and try not to think that he's going to be leaving in just three days.

I wonder if Kayla knew. I'm sure Coop has known the whole time but I would like to think that if Kayla knew she would have told me.

Before too long we are at my house and I can tell Grams has gone to bed because all the lights are off. As Justin comes to a stop I take the helmet off and climb off the back, instantly missing his warmth. I hand him back his helmet and try not to look at him, knowing I'll lose it if I do. So giving him a small wave I start to walk away. Before I get too far Justin grabs my wrist stopping me and pulls me to him, wrapping me in his arms. Darn! So much for not losing it in front of him. I wrap my arms around him and turn my face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm going to miss you so much," I sob in his neck.

"I'm going to miss you too Sel. It's going to be ok though, you'll see."

He holds me while I cry for a few minutes. He leans back and rests his forehead on mine. "I'll pick you up at 6 on Friday, ok?"

I give him a nod and a small smile because I can't speak. He lets me go and as I walk into the house I decide that I can't let him go without him knowing how much I love him.