Under protection

Depression

hey guys this is just to state that you may have to  bear some grammatical errors in my story as now i am only focused to write down my ideas and i will definately do editing later.

And yeahh,, this chapter is a bit about depression, have you ever experienced depression? Do you know how it feels like?

For me = Depression is not a mental state but it is a state when dead heart craves a living.
what are your opinions about depression? comment below and let me know.

Sitting near a window on this purple couch, looking at the dark sky which is covered with these beautiful sparkling stars, i am thinking about my life
and questioning myself that why its always me.

Sometimes i really miss myself, as a person who i really was. 
What i've become now is what ive never meant to be..The broken one. The shattered one..

The one who was once valarous
is now frightened..of what? Dont know.
But there lies a fear deep down in my heart
stealing me away from the moments of happiness  and holding me captive to the agonies of life .
Just when i try to make myself believe that everything will eventually fall into their right places, the positivity starts to recede,
leaving me in the midst of despair.

My soul is now all bruised to its core
and i dont know why  the profound pain keeps me awake all night
and wrecks me imperceptibly.

Whilst some unusual thoughts shudders me deeply and greatly but still
i try to integrate all of my broken pieces
despite the intense pain they causes when  moving them from their current places, to fix them into their right or actual ones.

But even this integration brings no peace to my anxious heart...
After living some of the poignant plans that life  had planned for me this world becomes an unbearable place for me to live.

I am messed up, my feelings and emotions are all messed up now, doesn't matter how much i try but the truth is undeniable that i am failing to combat my depression, a depression that is caused by some known or some unknown reasons.

I dont know what destiny has planned for me. I am here where i am definately not supposed to be in between these strangers, stuck in their house makes it more complicated for me to think about my future. To plan my future..
I am trying to go with the flow right after they took me here but only dead fish goes with the flow. And i am not dead. Unfortunately i am alive. And i feel things.
And it hurts. It really hurts.. Feelings are the only things that are not forced, this is what heart does itself. This is where no one could reach to put limits on. Because they are indefinite. Just like love.

I was indulged in my thoughts when i hear a knock on the door. I got nervous thinking who it might be, i quickly uncovered the sheets over me and stood up to see who it was, i slightly opened the door and found Hadi standing there...

"Hey sissy !" He kind of greeted me

"Hey." i replied politely.

"I am sorry to disturb you but i have this weird kind of problem that i always gets hungry quite sometime after having dinner. I thought what if you'd be having same kind of problem so i bought some snacks for you" He explained while giving me a big pack of dorritos.

"Ooh thankyou so much for this, You might be amazed to know but i really have this kind of problem too. Like its kind of my habit to eat something before sleeping. Or watching some movies while eating snacks after  dinner..It makes me feel relax. But...."

I stopped talking as i realized what was i going to say..After the death of my family, my Aunt never let me eat anthing. And i remember how i used to sleep with an empty stomach..
Even this thought makes me teary.

"Umm...But?" Hadi asked.

"Umm nothing!" i replied while rubbing my hands nervously..

"Thats okay sissy, If you feel like watching movies then you can really watch without any hesitation...feel like your own home. okay?" he said while smiling.

While i just nodded and thanked him as he left..

I took a deep breath and lied down on my bed, i was again indulged in my thoughts, but this time while eating my favorite snacks and i dont know when i fell into a deep slumber.
________________

I woke up when i felt harsh sun rays across my face, i stood up to see what time it was  and it was 8:30 in the morning, So i decided to freshen up myself and take a quick shower and all dolled up myself.

Thanks to i dont know whom who brought my luggage here from that cab.
As i dont remember what happened next after i passed out yesterday. I wasn't completely passed out though my some of the senses were awake but i remember very little of it now.

But  I have to leave now, I need to go to my home. Its not right. I dont know why they are not letting me go, like seriously i did nothing. It was this guy Azlaan who created all this fuss..
my eyebrows came together at the thought as i felt angry.

After few minutes i decided to go out and ask them for how long do i have to stay here.. Though whatever they say i will leave. Obviously. They are my no-one..

As i went out from my room i see all three boys perfectly dressed up, sitting on the couch. Sarim and Hadi were reading a magzine i guess and Azlaan was busy in his phone.

"ehmm ehmm" i cleared my throat so that i can have their attention, All three looked at me.

"Hey! Good morning sissy."
Hadi greeted..

"Good morning, i hope you slept well sis"
Sarim greeted too, and he too called me his sister.

Whenever they calles me their sister it makes me miss my own brother so much that i cannot explain in words..

"Good morning. yeah i slept well. Thankyou." i politely replied..

"Glad to know." Sarim said while giving me a small smile..

My attention was soon diverted to Azlaan who was again indulged in his phone...
He is so big and dangerous. It looks like
he has the eyes of hunter and the soul of a warrior. And if you pinch him a bit or do anything that he dislikes you need to pray for your life..

Yes, thats how he exactly looks like.
His jaw is always clenched as if he is always angry.

But i have to ask them for how long they are planning to make me stay here.
I cannot trust them.
Its a new city for me, new people, new beginning, i cannot trust anyone.

"For how long do i have to stay here? Can i go home now. Please" i  finally asked them..

All three of them looked at eachother and  Azlaan sighed.

Whats happening? I dont understand the reason behind why they took me here at the first place and not letting me go now. I began to grow suspicious..Is there some danger  lurking around me that i am oblivion of ?