Everything is fine... (Negovanman)

Talk to me...

After a few days in Cannes, Natasha and Elise were mostly done with their interviews and other responsibilities. They ended up grabbing a bite to eat and walking the beautiful city at night, snapping pictures here and there when they eventually returned to their hotel.
Although Elise sleeps one floor above that of Natasha, she insists on walking her to her room.

The past days and current night were filled with moments where Natasha just zoned out and stared off into nothing, her face showing no emotions.
Elise knew that all the traveling had to be hard on Natasha. After all, she was barely back from London and already packing for Las Vegas with shortly after that France, having Australia before all this to kick it off.
She started noticing something was off about her when they were in Las Vegas for Clexacon. Completely fine one moment and gone the next. She just blamed it on all the traveling, not thinking twice about it until they were in Cannes where she noticed it again.

They stood by her door while Natasha opened it, "You know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back to my room. And I see that look on your face, I'm fine." she said with a small smile and zero spark in her eyes.

"I know you are more than capable of walking 'all the way' back to your room, it's just that..." Elise took a few seconds to gather her courage, took a deep breath and hoped that Natasha wouldn't take this the wrong way.
"That smile Nat, I know you're tired from all that traveling, I get that, but come on! There are times when you're just not here! It's like you're on a completely different planet!" she said with a worried look on her face. "Please just talk to me, I'm here for you! You know that right?" Elise can't help but feel helpless when she looks at Natasha walking into her room.

Since Elise had moved back from LA she felt like things were different between them, like they had to get to know each other again. But as soon as they had their momentum back everything seemed normal again, the magic was back.
Granted, Elise grew a lot from her time being in LA. Also, not expecting things with Carmilla to take off the way they did back in Toronto, leaving Natasha to basically deal with it alone on top of all the other projects she had been juggling. She felt bad about it. But she never expected that during that time they would grow apart like this, she still doesn't get it, she won't accept that. But it somehow felt like this was her fault.

~~

She could see the change on Natasha's face when she turned around to face her with teary eyes, standing in the doorway giving a slight nod towards her room which told her to come in. Elise let out a soft sigh of relief and gave her a small nod with an appreciative little smile, glad that Natasha reacted the way she did.

Elise closed the door behind her and Natasha sat down on the bed with her elbows resting on her thighs, resting her head down on her hands, wiping away a tear that had escaped her eye. She looked up at Elise who still had that same worried look on her face looking straight back into her eyes.
Not knowing how to start or even what to say Natasha was searching for the right words. Yes, she was tired and traveling that much had been taking a toll on her physically, but emotionally it was Elise that was causing her to react the way she did.

She didn't realize it at the time but Elise leaving for LA was harder on her than she had expected. She lost her best friend for three months and in those three months she came to realize how much she actually meant to her. She missed that infectious laughter, those beautiful honey brown eyes and the way she could pull you in with one simple look. She missed the cuddles, holding her hands when she felt she needed to be grounded or was overwhelmed. She missed HER. And from her point of view Elise didn't, well not in the same way she did.

But now, everything is happening all at once. She's tried to push all these feelings and emotions back down so that things could go back to the way it used to be, back to before there was this awkwardness between them. She even felt like she was back on the right track, it's just that one interview where the host caught her by surprise, basically asking them if they were together. Caught off guard she laughed and said yes. Realizing what she said she panicked slightly and looked over at Elise who had a big smile on her face, laughed and said "Just friends". Trying to make light of the situation Natasha responded with the first thing that came to mind which basically ended with them being 'spirit sisters'. She felt like it was an appropriate response and even though it was a verbal diarrhea kinda thing it left her feeling rather empty inside. Like she had just come to realization in that very moment that this was really it, that it could never be more than this because Elise made it perfectly clear how she felt about her, "Just friends 'spirit sisters' yeah I like that."

Those feelings and emotions, yeah, consider them pushed way down. She didn't want to feel the rejection right now, she didn't want to feel at all, or even think for all that matters. She was done.