Screw Off, Ross |A Ryan Ross Fanfic|

The Last Of The Real Ones

!TRIGGER WARNING!

I saw stars and a hard shot of pain when I felt the punch laid on my face, god it hurt. I looked up from the punch, my mouth agape, to find the face of Brent Wilson.

He gripped my hair and whispered into my ear, "Don't touch my girlfriend ever again."

I was in complete shock. Pain was still a pins and needles situation in my cheek, but I was still in too much shock for it to kick in. Brent walked off before I could say anything, I felt tears roll down my cheeks. They stung entering the cuts from earlier, but I didn't care. I honestly didn't care about anything anymore. I wanted this to end. I wanted my family drama to end, my high school drama to be brought to an end, for my life to cease.

I noticed that Ryan wasn't around me, everything was a blur at that moment, where had he gone? I rushed to the ladies bathroom, no one gave me a second glance though. Once I was in a stall, I popped off my phone case and emptied out a small razor blade. Slowly I slid it across my wrist, taking in every singe of pain from it. I watched as the blood dropped from my veins to the floor, I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks and my throat had a generous lump in it. I wanted to end my life, right then and there. I didn't want to live, I didn't want to deal with anyone anymore. I wanted peace. I craved death in that moment, and didn't notice that I was cutting deeper.

Blood flowed in thick streams from my veins, I cried until I climaxed quickly to a coughing fit. It hurt, my lungs hurt, my wrist hurt, and most of all my heart hurt. Everything hurt. I was hurting, and my smile hid every bit of it. I watched as a small pool of blood grew at my feet, I pressed into my wrist as hard as I could. My sight grew white spots in my peripheral vision, my vision was desperately blurry. The puddle still grew, and everything was black. The final sensation on my skin was a thick liquid, and the metallic scent of my own blood.

I was in a dreamless sleep, it wasn't bad though. I saw my own body, on a gurney, and watched as Ryan held my hand, his eyes red from crying. I took a guess that I was having an out of body experience, and I sat down next to Ryan. I stroked his hair and wrapped my arms around him, I wanted to hug him and tell him everything was okay. However, I couldn't. I didn't know for sure, but somehow I knew that he couldn't hear or feel me. I stared at my gauzed wrists, there were deep red blood spots on them. Ryan grasped my hand desperately, and I wanted to comfort him and tell him I was okay. There were multiple I.V.s stuck in my arm, I watched the slow drip of fluids into my bloodstream. I felt tears roll down my hypothetical cheeks, What the hell have I done?

I looked around the vehicle, which I assumed was an ambulance, and noticed a large white building slowly growing closer. It came closer, and closer, until we pulled into a dimly lit, covered area. There was a red haze billowing around the ceiling, I took a guess that this was a garage, and I looked around to see a red luminescent sign. EMERGENCY, it read. This was a hospital, I was in an ambulance, my body was at an ER, and I had just tried to kill myself. All of the facts hit me solid, like a rock, and I watched as paramedics exited the vehicle. They ran behind the van like doors, swinging them open, and unloading my gurney quickly. They raised it and Ryan rushed to keep up with them, hell I was even sprinting, all trying to keep up with my body.

Was I dead? Maybe. Did I want to be? Maybe. Did I have hope? Probably.

My eyes were glued to the gurney that my body rested on, I ran to keep it in my perimeter. Ryan slacked behind me, but was still following my lifeless body, I had to know if I was alive.

I had to know that my heart hadn't stopped.

I sat down in a lobby chair, taking in everything that was happening. I was having an out of body experience, my actual body was in a hospital bed, and I was unsure of my own heart beat. Great. I listened closely to the sounds of the hospital, I listened past the cacophony of the hospital to a faint beeping sound. I got up and ran to the room where I could see Ryan's limp, brown hair. I ran past his lanky being to my own body, the beeping was coming from my heart monitor. I was alive! Thank God. I let out a sigh of relief, tears seeping from my eyes. I had no idea how relieving it was to know I was still alive, after my own suicide attempt. My hands were shaking with joy, my heart pounding against my non-existent chest. I was happy to be alive.

Things begin to turn white, and then black. After a moment or two, I began to hear the beeping sound. It was much louder, I felt cold fluid coursing through my veins. There was a dull ache in my wrists, I was in my own body. I heard doctors arguing and then agreeing stitches were the best method of handling this. They were going to stitch my cuts up. I heard a doctor yell for a nurse, and heard the machine next to me start beeping rapidly. Was I dying? No, impossible, you're hearing your own heart beat!
Then I heard the most terrifying thing I will ever hear in my lifetime, "Bring in the cardiologist, now! She's unstable!"

I heard a nurse's feet scramble for either something to stabilize me, or for another doctor. I heard the machine next to me give a long beep, was I dying?

"We're losing her!" I heard a husky voice yell.

"I've got Dr. Schumann, the cardiologist you requested." I heard a nurse nervously reply.

"I.V. BAG OF ADRENALINE, STAT!" A new voice entered, it must've been Dr. Schumann.

I waited for them to hook the bag up. I awaited the shock of adrenaline to shoot through me, my heart monitor kept its steady beep. I was going to die, the sounds I heard were dull and distant.

CLEAR!

Then suddenly, a shot of cold, pure adrenaline burst through my body. It was painful, and yet pleasant, my body jerked, and my bones ached. The sounds came back, deafening, and I heard the cardiologist and ER doctor conversing, I memorized every word.

"We need to close the lacerations, while she's still unconscious." I heard the gruff ER doctor say.

"There is no way she's unconscious, especially after that, and she could still remain unstable. How deep are they?" The cardiologist replied.

"Urgent, but not critical. We can't keep guazing them, however." The ER doctor, tried to reason.

"Why not? She seems to be doing fine with them guazed, and if they aren't deep enough to where she can bleed out within the next two hours, we can wait until she's stable." The cardiologist was final about his words.

"What about Dr. Trippmann?" The ER doctor was trying to get me into surgery, quickly.

"This girl's heart rate just quit, her O² levels plummeted, blood pressure dropped, and you want an anaestegiologist to handle her? I think not, we're going to wait until she's stable enough for surgery." Dr. Schumann was in utter disbelief.

"Fine." The ER doctor replied, bitterly.

I was alive. I was going to make it. Most importantly, I would get to see Ryan again