Why A Family Is Not Always A Family

A Breakdown?

June 1, 2018

I think I'm having a nervous breakdown. Maybe. I don't know. This guy...what has this come to? I feel heavy in the chest and I don't like it. I think it's the possibility of a relationship getting serious. We have been asked multiple times if we have been asked if we were dating and we have come to say "sure". I only say that because (1) we are asked so much, why explain over and over, and (2) I honestly don't know.

Just today, we were asked and we just gave our own mumbled responses. I then hear him say, "We might as well be".

...

What the hell do I say to that! I don't know what we have! Last we talked about relationships, it was about our exs and his crush. A CRUSH! He told me who it was and I know her! So this doesn't help the situation. He talked about how great she was and how there's no reason not to like her so WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?

I don't know if he has real feelings. I don't know if i have rel feelings. We flirt a lot but I can never know if its play. And we are sentimental a lot of the time. Everything is just so confusing.

It's just bad. As soon as I came home today, I went to sleep, literally wanting to forget everything. I ended up sleeping for 7 hours and woke up remembering everything and feeling sick again. I want to cry every time he compliments me or starts to flirt and I don't know why. I guess I just want an answer or something.

But then there's the part where I don't know how our friends would react to it. And that has me even more nervous.

...

I guess I sort of brought this upon myself for always wanting for a relationship. They say if you put it out there into the world(say it out loud), the universe will respond. I just didn't think it would be this complicated. I may not even be that kind of situation. There's always the possibility of us not ending up in a relationship.

I don't know what to think. Why must everything be so complicated. Why can't happiness just be simple and easy. I never thought I would have to deal with this.