The first step

I went home after that. He told me to think about the very first reason I became depressed.

The first step is going to the beginning. I never want to go back there but I want this to end. As I lay on my couch I re-live my horrifying memories.

Well for starters I've always hated the way I look. Ever since I was seven. I literally thought I was ugly when I was seven. The constant acne as a teen didn't help either. So that's when I started getting upset.

We didn't have a lot of money when I was growing up and that was a burden. We lived in a small apartment in a bad neighbourhood. All I wanted was a dog, but I never got one.

I guess family troubles upset me too, but I always had my best friend Karmin to talk to. Where's Karmin now? Lets just say Karmin got a free pass out of here.

Another reason, Karmin died from myelomas when she was 16. I guess that's when I was diagnosed with depression.

Then I took pills and talked to some one. Then I got better.

Until 5 years ago when I was nineteen, my mom and I went for a drive to a restaurant that was 45 minutes away.

I was driving and we were laughing. Joking around about life, cause that's what you do. Then I lost control of the car and we slammed into a tree. She flew out of the windshield. I watched my mother die. That fucked me up and I was depressed again.

I don't know what was worse about the situation-that I had killed my mom-or my dad blamed me and kicked me out of our house. Yes it was my fault but he didn't have to kick me out!

I haven't talked to my dad since.

So I moved to Australia and got a small two bedroom apartment. It was small but nice. I finally got the dog I always wanted. So I lived with my dog and with depression. I worked at a pizza deli. I had plans of going to university and being a veterinarian, but I had no money. One of my co-workers and only friend asked me why I was always upset so I told her everything. She told me her sister was depressed and her sister went to therapy. So she suggested that I go. So I did. It didn't help at first. I tried to kill myself last year and was hospitalized for 6 weeks and I spent another 6 months in rehab. Now I'm here. Still depressed. Making minimum wage living alone at the exception of a dog and my only friends are my co-workers and my therapist. Lovely.

A/N: please read!!!

This is one of the first books I've ever focused on and really wanted people to read. So if you like it, tell a friend or just recommend it to someone who likes this genre. It would mean the world to me if people read this and liked it, so comment what you think!

I mean its not like I'm writing here for nobody to read it;) thanks a bunch:)

-Helena