The first step

"Hello Daysie!" I say as I walk into the building.

"Hello sweets! you're ten minutes early!"

"Yeah I'm making up for the other day." I say smiling.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened the day before last. It's a tragedy!"

"I'm fine, just a concussion and high blood pressure! I'm fine!"

"Okay dear if you say so! Go on up! Kester has a patient right now but he will be ready any minute!"

I thank her and go up the elevator.

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... The elevator stops.

I go and sit on the grey chair outside of Kesters office.

The door opens a few minutes later and a guy my age walks out with Kester.

"Hello Alise!" says Kester. "This is Sebastian, my newest patient."

"Hey." I say. My god Sebastian is beautiful. His eyes are so dark they're black. his tan skin goes so good with his dark brown hair. A round face with muscle.

"Hey." he says smiling.

Oh god I look like shit. So I just smile and look away. But why would he look at me anyways?

"How've you been?" he asks as Always.

"Well besides the concussion, better I think."

"That's wonderful! I'm so terribly sorry that I asked that of you that was too much."

"It wasn't your fault! I'm fine! don't worry please."

"I've know you for 4 years and my dear you're a fighter."

Most people would think that was a compliment, but it wasn't to me.

Did he think I didn't ever not try? Cause I do that a lot. I'm not a fighter, I'm just barely surviving. But I'm not a survivor since I haven't recovered yet. So I'm waiting. I'm a waiter. I'm waiting to get better. I'm waiting to be a survivor.

"Okay wrong thing to say. What are some reasons you don't like your self?"

Heavy change of topic. "Well for starters I ruin everything. I fuck up every chance I get. I also hate my face and body."

"Oh dear..." I cut him off.

"I'm not looking for pity Kester. I will never look for pity. I'm just telling the truth. I know I ruin everything, ask my dad, but I've learned to accept it. It's okay that I ruin everything because i have nobody left to ruin things for! and I'm not pretty, don't bother trying to tell me different. I have acne scars and an awful nose and I have fat where I shouldn't. I'm fat and I hate looking in mirrors. So no pity."

He pressed his lips into a line.

"Alise. I won't give you pity. But you need to understand that beauty isn't about having perfect skin or having perfect features. You're beautiful because of the words that leave your mouth. You have wisdom a 100 year old man doesn't have. You have scars because you've been through things. The way your eyes light up when you talk about the things you love, you still do love things dear, I know you love books and your dog and you love clouds. Your laugh. The paint on your toes. The way your hair parts. That's beauty."

A tear went down my cheek. The first time I've cried since my mother died.

We both stood up and I hugged him. I held on to him for dear life.

"I need you to always be here for me okay?" I say into his neck.

"I promise."

"I don't know how to love anything."

I say. I'm crying. Sobbing actually, for the first time in 5 years.

"You'll have to learn dear, I can't help you with that. You'll have to trust somebody."

"I'm scared of trusting. I'm scared of loving."

"You have to care about somebody a whole lot okay."

"I care about you Kester, you're like a dad to me." that made me cry a little harder.

"I'm honoured."

----------------------------------------------

When I opened the door, I didn't see Canis and his room door was closed. Probably doing boy stuff. I hope it wasn't the boy stuff me and Karmin found out about when we were 15.

So I opened my bedroom door and Toby came running out and went straight down the hall to the other bedroom. He started barking.

"No Toby!" I said sternly. He ran over to me and we walked to the kitchen. I sat down at the table made for two. I was a bit peckish but we had nothing to eat. I guess we're going on a trip to the grocery store. I grabbed Toby's leash and we headed out. Maybe when we got back Canis would be out of his room, everyone knows I'm dying to get to know him.