Love Locked

part two

If there's one thing that Emily knew how to do, it was how to make herself known.

We let go of our arms, and she went skipping through the mall, leaping as high as she could in the air, the hood and strings of her pale pink hoodie flying through the air behind her. She got some odd looks from people, but she didn't care. She was strong, independent, and gay. Ignoring people was a gift of hers.

I, on the other hand, was completely embarrassed by her actions. I wanted to hide in my shirt, curl up into a ball, and hide in a closet somewhere. But, she was my girlfriend, and if I hid, she'd come on the hunt for me, and never let me go when she found me.

Me keys like a set of wind chimes, I walked after Emily, trying to act like I knew her, but wasn't dating her. Which was pretty easy.

Emily landed with a clap of her shoes on the time floor of the mall, and looked back at me from a distance. When Emily skipped, Emily skipped far.

"Come on, slow poke! We don't have all day!" Emily shouted, and then turned back around and skipped away.

"You know, I would catch up faster if you weren't skipping away from me." I said under my breath. But, I followed behind her, staying a little ways away so no to get yelled at by some stranger complaining about how Emily is skipping through the mall. (It happened before, and was not fun. We got banned for three months!)

Finally we came the the Dunkin' Donuts at the food court. Emily, being Emily, was already ordering our coffee, and waiting for me to pick a table.

I headed to the back corner, and sat down, testing my head in the table.

"Wake up, sleepy head!" Emily smiled as she say down across from me, and set our coffee in the table. I grabbed my iced coffee and took a sip, savoring it's delicious flavor.

"So what should we do first?" Emily asked, sipping her coffee. "Hot Topic? Too Cool? The candy store?"

"How about we slow down, and sip our coffee." I said looking up at her.

"Okay, that works, too."

We sat in silence, listening to the conversations of the people around us. Conversation about work, life, how the kids were, and just nice, normal things. I wish I could talk about nice, normal things. But I didn't have anything nice or normal to talk about.

"Hey," Emily whispered. "Don't look now, but I think that's Michael Schmidt from gym class making out with Danny Samson, your old boyfriend."

Of course I turned to look. If anyone says "Don't look now" you're just compelled to look. And, she was right. There they were, two guys kissing in a public place. So romantic. Good for them. Danny deserves someone nice.

"Makes me want to do the same." Emily said from out of nowhere .

"What?" I asked, taken by surprise. "Kiss in public? I don't think people would really like that."

"Oh, nonsense. Mike and Danny are doing it, so why not us? It could be like a double date!"

"I- I really- really don't think that's a good idea." I stuttered. "Who knows who may be watching."

"My mom? Please, she's off in Texas doing business work. She won't care. She won't even know!" Emily started getting closer. "Besides, they're kissing. No one is stopping them."

Now, in this situation, I was pressured. So what happened next wasn't all my fault. Had Emily just respected my wishes, then we could have avoided this.

As she drew closer, ready for a kiss, I backed away. She came close, I moved a little farther, until I couldn't move back anymore. And she started kissing me.

Right on the lips.

I grabbed her arms with a bit of accidental force, and pushed her off of me. "Emily," I was dead serious. "I don't love you like that."

The words hit hard, harder than I wanted them to, and Emily stood in shock. "What?"

"I don't love you like that. I don't have those feeling for you." I said, slowly coming down from my panicked state.

"But- but- but...."

"I know I said what I said, but I can't take it anymore."

"You're seeing other people? Other girls?"

"No. I'm not." I said, seeing the tears in her eyes. Why did now have to be the time to break this relationship? "I don't want to see anyone. I'm asexual aromantic. I thought I had feelings for you, I really wanted to, but they all faded away."

"A- asexual. So, all of this, all of us, it was a lie?" Emily was crying now, full on tears running down her cheeks.

"I- I didn't want to hurt you-"

"Didn't want to hur- If you didn't want to hurt me, you should have told me when you first knew instead of waiting months and leading me on! I thought we really had something! I thought you were the one!" She cried. "I thought wrong then. If you can't even tell me something like this, then- then...maybe I'm not worth it. Maybe my being here is just a mistake."

A mistake? What?

"Emily-"

"Don't talk to me." She snapped. "You've done enough already."

Without looking back, Emily walked away, leaving every person in the food court to look at me.

Me: the one who messed things up.

~•~

I failed to find Emily in the mall after I got up and ran after her. She had vanished in one of the stores and escaped without me knowing.

Her car wasn't in the parking lot (a few hours that I'll never get back searching for it) and I finally ended up trying to call her. Why I didn't do this first, I don't know. I was still shocked by her kiss and what happened back there.

I called once, and waited, getting her voicemail. I called again. Voicemail. Calling a third time, it went straight to voicemail. Shit. Why did this have to happen now? Why now? Why today of all days!

I walked to my car, several miles away and got in. Then I started beating my head on the steering wheel, yelling about how stupid I was and how I should have told her. The guy in the car next to me watched me with great concern and I yelled at him to fuck off. I was not in a good mood.

And neither was Emily. What had she said, she wasn't worth it? She was a mistake? That sounds awfully obvious that she...oh shit.

I started my car, buckled up (because of Dora the Explorer taught me anything, it's seatbelts, so we can be safe) and drove fast and wild out of the parking lot of the mall.

If course I obeyed the law and drove safely, and didn't run the red lights, but I had to hurry if I wanted to save her. She needed help. And nobody would know but me.

Please don't be stupid, I pleaded. Please don't be stupid.