damaged • jimmy darling

CHAPTER FOUR: FIRST DAY

Lisa's POV

  I locked myself in the closet, crying out and shuttering with fear. I heard loud bangs on the door and I curled myself  in the corner, covering my ears and shaking my head. I closed my eyes tight, trying to block it out. I needed to block it out. I had to or I feared I would go mad. 

  "LISA! LISA OPEN THIS DOOR! OPEN THIS DOOR NOW!" A deep voice screamed from the other side. I shook my head furiously. I began to rock back and forth. I tried to back more into the corner despite the wall blocking me. I needed to get out of here. I didn't know how. My small body could not fight him off or escape. The banging continued as he tried to break down the door. I yelped with each bang and screaming out for him to stop. Tears streamed down my face.

  "Stop it!" My tiny voice screamed. "Please stop it!" 

  "LISA OPEN THIS DOOR!" 

  I sat up quickly, sweat coming from every pour. I clutched my chest, curling over. My eyes where wide and stared down at my white blanket. My face was wet from tears and they dripped down. I tried to control my breathing but it felt as if I was choking. I felt bile rise in my throat but I forced it down, gasping for air. I finally managed to breathe, making gulping noises. My breath came down to a normal rate and I closed my eyes briefly. I opened them once more to be met with blurry vision. I wiped away my tears, curling up, my arms holding my knees. I couldn't stop the tears, I couldn't keep them away. They fell down my face, hitting my blankets. 

  I let out a shaky breath before finally letting myself calm down. I took deep breaths over and over in a pattern I had been using for a long time. After my final breath I looked ahead of me and at the rest of my trailer. 

  "It was just a dream. Just another stupid dream." God was I glad it was. 

  After my little episode I got dressed into a dark blue dress with white polka dots, putting my hair into a high ponytail on my head I wrapped it with a black bow. I took a white cardigan and slipped into it. I put on some make up. I put black winged mascara on my eyelashes, deep red lipstick, some powder, and light eye shadow. I then finished the look by putting on my sunglasses. I looked in the mirror. I nodded. I looked good. I decided to wear no shoes. I know it was strange but I decided why not?

  I then went to my trailer door, taking a deep breath. This was going to be my first day here and I didn't know if I was ready or not. But did I really have a choice here? I breathed in threw my nose before opening the door and stepping into the bright day. The grass circled my feet and I looked around. It looked like most people where out and about, walking around either with boxes or just looking like they were just walking. I decided to walk around as well. Get to know my surroundings. I walked on. 

  It was a nice place so far, the people were nice...so far. I didn't know how to act yet. I try to appear as nice as I could when meeting new people. Yet...I wasn't as nice as I acted. How could I be? I lived in New York for the past three years and my life before that...well, I wasn't really raised to be a nice proper little girl. It wasn't my fault I wasn't as kind as I make out to be. I knew how I was around people. I just wondered if I could like myself here. It seemed to be the theme here. 

  Being yourself was never really an option for me. Of course I knew I wasn't the only one but I had something different about me besides my negative attitude. I had my deformity. My deformity I was sure no one else had. I was different from the people here. I could hide it. I could hide it to look normal. To feel  normal. Then Elsa showed up and whisked me away here. I knew I had to show my deformity sooner or later but I didn't know if I could. Whenever I thought about it I cringed inwardly.