Approaching Too Far Gone: An Addiction Memoir

You're Not My God

"Fuck me? What have I ever done to you, Diane?!" Elliot yells, not missing a beat.

"You lie, you cheat, and you beat me. You're doing to me exactly what you did to your first wife!"

"That was thirty-five years ago! How could you continue to badger me for having an ex-wife that long ago?"

Diane stumbles into a wall as she slowly approaches my dad. "Ha! You're so ugly, Elliot. No one ever really loved you or ever will again," she slurs in his face as spit flies all over.

My dad attempts to respond with civility so the night doesn't get any worse, "Diane, please stop this. Our kids need their mother and you're hurting them by constantly acting this way."

"You didn't even think they were human until they were three. How could you say I'm ruining this family when you didn't even want kids?" We've heard this one before. Diane often recycles insults she knows hurts us.

My dad takes a step back from his wife and draws a deep breath. No matter how close she just was to being arrested, she hasn't learned a thing. He can tell. She's getting worse. There won't be any civility, and we're running out of options.

Typically, my mom ends her tirades by sneaking off to drink from a hidden bottle until she passes out. Tonight, it seems as though she won't stop until she crushes everyone's soul.

As my dad stares past her in thought, she renews her attacks, "What the fuck are you staring at?" My dad doesn't humor her with a response. "You are too stupid to answer. Well, fuck you, Elliot. You're ugly, stupid, and a waste. The wrong brother died. THE WRONG FUCKING BROTHER!"

My dad closes his eyes and clenches his fists. Diane struck the ultimate nerve. This is what she used earlier in the day to upset him enough to leave. Aubrey and Ang didn't realize how much it had hurt him, but I did. His brother passed away around the same time as my mom-mom. He was young, only forty-five. They were extremely close, even though my uncle lived on the other side of the country, but after an illustrious career with the Air Force and NASA, my uncle accepted a job in New York City and was moving back home. My dad couldn't have been more excited. During the medical screening for the position, doctors found a tumor on my uncle's brain. After a few years of fighting, cancer won, beating the toughest man my dad ever knew.

My mom responded to the loss of her mother by drinking. My dad took comfort in spending more time with his family. After her own experience with grief, she must understand how difficult it still is for him, but drunk, it's her ultimate weapon against him.

Aubrey comes to bat for my dad. "Screw you, Mom. Don't talk to Dad like that. He's actually a parent, unlike YOU!" she yells.

"And you're so innocent? I see the way you dress and the pictures you take," Diane snickers.

"What are you talking about?" Aubrey responds.

"No one is ever going to love you, no matter how much you try. You're a slut," she snaps. She has a short memory because the last time she used that insult today, she landed on her ass.

This time, Angie steps in for Aubrey. "Stop it, Mom. Don't say that about her! You know it's not true!"

"Fuck you, too!" Diane shouts at her youngest daughter. "You aren't wanted; you aren't wanted by anyone. That's why your boyfriend left you!"

That's it. I decide I can't take it anymore. Angie has just experienced her first heartbreak, and she doesn't have to be reminded of it. I decide to step in and take the brunt of the attack. Diane will try to hit me with her best insult, and I'll be ready to give it right back.