How to be a Cliche Wattpad Writer in 30 Steps

Fan-Fiction: At Least Make it Decent

At Least Make It Decent--

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In my past blurbs, I have been completely sarcastic and an ultimate prick to the Wattpad Community. In this third installment, I'll be discussing fan-fictions. And just for the record, I'm being completely serious. Only mild sarcasm. If I offended you, private message me and I'll sincerely apologize. Please and thank-you.

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STEP ONE:

If you're going to make a fan fiction at least have the decency to make it decent. I don't want to read absolute crap, okay? The first step is making sure you have enough information on the subject. If you're gonna write about Harry Potter, go watch the movie or crack a novel- not Google.

Know ages, birthdays, spells (in this this case), appearance, personality and so on. If not, you just end up looking ignorant and Lord have mercy on your soul when the fans get a hold of you.

STEP TWO:

Now, what I'm absolutely sick and tired of is making the original characters out to be something that they're not. Since when did Draco Malfoy become the HogWarts man whore? Why does Bella always have to be such a bitch or the extremely boring?

People, keep in mind that you need to clearly know what they would or would not say. Draco wouldn't bang Pansy Parkinson and you know it. Since this is in fact FICTION, you can mess around with the relationships like they could be into each other. But, in short, keep in mind who they are. Your work is based off characters who are already defined; keep them that way.

STEP THREE:

Take it slow. Build up to the climax of the story.

Real people don't start making out and fall in love during the first chapter. Usually, it's a ROMANCE. What the hell else are you gonna write about after they hook up? If you want to have interested readers, take your time and throw in unexpected twists with the different characters.

Don't always be candid with the romance, unless that's apart of the main picture.

STEP FOUR:

Please, please, please, please don't make your character a whore.

People get attached to some characters that are from books and movies or that could actually be real. Why should you make your character screw with their feelings? It's painful for me, personally. If they're using them to make so and so jealous, at least make the one they're using know what's happening.

You must not know how many damned fan-fictions I've read where Niall Horan is the rebound or being used, then he ends up heartbroken. I love Niall to the grave and beyond and if you hurt him, I automatically stop reading your story. That's just the way it goes.

Or, if you want me to say it like I want to, "I'll cut a bitch!" - and it's the truth. All in all, back off Niall or I'll rip out your throat.

STEP FIVE:

So that readers can relate, make your character's flaws evident.

Writing a Twilight fan-fic? Make your character have an awful thirst for blood, if they're a vampire. Make their thirst so uncontrollable and hungry that they can't go to school without an escort from the Olympic Coven. Or, make the human terrified of death, yet they have a crush on the vampire.

Something ironic and different, is what I'm saying. When I read, I want to relate to someone in maybe even the smallest measure. It keeps me hooked knowing that not even people in books aren't perfect. No one is so don't imply that I want to read about Barbie and Ken, okay?

STEP SIX:

Author's notes. For all that's above us, I honestly could not care less what you ate for breakfast. What kind of fuckery is this that when I finish a chapter, the author has dutifully told me about their whole entire day?

Just to let you know- I don't care when you took a shit or if you have a crush on some guy. I just don't care to know.

If you're not going to give updates of the story or other RELEVANT information that I might want to know, then don't post at all. Write a freaking diary if you just want to get some stuff off your chest.

Check out Tumblr or Twitter to express your feelings that Wattpadders have no interest in. Got it? Good. Moving on.

STEP SEVEN:

Let's take a second to establish the difference between stylish and whore. If your character is waltzing around town looking like a tranny, do you honestly think I can believe this? Who in their sane mind prances around town in a bikini?

Oh, right, no one. Get real, people.

Personally, I don't even care about wardrobe and just like to think of it on my own. It usually doesn't even come to my mind when reading. But, if you feel it pertains to the story, make the description brief and minuscule.

Don't make the amount of clothes minuscule, on the other hand.

STEP EIGHT:

There is a difference between a song-fiction and a OneShot. Can you combine them? Of course. But, let's be keen on the subject.

When you're doing song, you have to make the story match the song. If you have a vibrant song seperating scenes, but in your story, a death occurs, then what the hell are you doing? Pick a song that goes well with the plot- not because you simply like it. Try not to be so shallow as to close your mind to music choices.

One-shots are the holygrail for beginning writers. It basically sums up a whole-entire romance in one situation. They cannot have more than one chapter because that would defeat the point of it's title.

Nonetheless, don't drag out the story for centuries for the former or latter. Short and sweet is the way to the highroad, my smizing pupils.

STEP NINE:

Oh. My. ___.

People lack originality to a T. Everyone in the Wattpad community that has ever dipped their nose into a tad of fanfiction has been accustomed to it.

It seems that the whole of Wattpad has decided to use the same plot for every fan-fiction or anything else under the sun.

Now, I understand the idea that you might like a story and want yours to be of that nature, but don't give me a case of Dejavu for all that is holy.

Also, what the hell gives anyone the right to steal someone's story that they worked hard on for their own recognition? That's it; nothing.

Too many times have I seen the copyright saying 'please don't steal!' Like, who are the skanks that run around and do this?

The point is- do not steal stories. Lose your dignify some other way.

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Yeah, so I'm kinda tired right now. I'll think of more stuff to post later lol but I did my best :D oh and you guys should know that I am the biggest hypocrite EVER so don't hate me! I'm trying to help you :3