Eternal.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Saturday morning I had ran past Alex’s abandoned house, past the house next door with a vicious dog, past an old man sitting on his porch, and past a small house that was turned into a nail solon just three years ago. Alex and I walked past that place one when we were going to get ice cream one late august. It was the summer before ninth grade and as far as we could tell, a bunch of junk was sprawled out across the yard until we saw a sign that said EDIE’S NAILS COMING SOON.

“We should go,”I said looking down making sure I wasn’t stepping on any cracks in the sidewalk.

“You want me to get my nails done?” Alex had asked.

“Listen to your nails, it wants the acrylic on them” I had joked grabbing his thumb showing him his nail.

And that was never going to happen again.

I ran as far as the woods on my school grounds. I dropped down in the grass in front; my legs were shaking from yesterday’s practice. I laid in the grass with damp hair from my shower. Somehow it felt like one hell of a week. Alexavier gave me a rose yesterday before I left crying. I left the rose there, but now I wish I were still holding it. Roses are my favorite flower, and Alex is the only one who knows that. I curled up in the grass and closed my eyes. A minute or two later my eyes were peeled open by my phone buzzing with a text.

To: Brigitte

From: Lynn

Let’s hang @ 1.

I said alright, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to see anyone. My phone clock said it was 11:01 in the morning. That would give me enough time to run home, do my hair, eat lunch, put on makeup, and walk to her house. Despite my tired legs I jogged home. At home I straightened my hair while cooking a grilled cheese. I’d stop and take a bite every so often. On my last bite I noticed my clock said 12:01. I remembered that exactly an hour from then I was lying on the grass at school being emotionally and physically exhausted. Why had I said yes to Lynn? I watched myself in the mirror as I stroked my hair with a $40 straightener I got form a neighbor one Christmas.

“That wavy hair looks like a mess sometimes,” my neighbor had said handing the straightener to me on the door step, “I saw this when I was getting my hair cut down at that Via Belle Salon.” It was a purple Revlon straightener with a long handle and five heat settings. I burn my hand on it often.

My eye-sight got blocked, and like a memory, or a vision, my eyes now saw a bright sun reflecting on a sea of water with what looks like an island in the distance. The water foamed and crashed against the rocks at the bottom of a cliff. I felt something I felt something wrap around and flap my legs. Wind shot up from beneath me as a breeze cut my arms with a shock of cold. I looked down and noticed I was wearing a long white dress. As it blew in the wind I noticed there were a couple of blue stains on them. Blue blood. To my right there was almost a throne made of rocks. Then it all vanished. My fingers were burning from the straightener, my eyes and my mouth looked lost in the reflection of the bathroom mirror. The feeling of the vision carried over into now. I felt alone. At 12:36 I walked to Lynn’s house. My perfectly straight hair bounced with every step. I look at it hanging from my shoulder. For a second I didn’t recognize the brown strands on me. For a second I felt like someone else. I didn’t understand why. I still remembered what happened to me back home. I didn’t understand that either. The feeling I got from it was right and wrong at the same time. I felt alone, but it felt like a memory, like it had happened to me. I don’t know how much Aiden knows, maybe he’d know what I saw and maybe he wouldn’t.

I walked up to Lynn’s door and texted her that I was there. She answered the door maybe four seconds later. We walked up to her room where there were clothes and binders on the floor. She had a flat screen at the end of her bed that was stuck on MTV. Under her TV was a cigarette lighter. Science shows that One in Six kids with parents who third-hand smoke, will end up smoking at as well, most at an early age.  The second I saw the lighter in her room, I didn’t doubt anymore how she got the cigarettes. I looked at Lynn who was now sitting on her floor with her face up to a tiny mirror putting on eyeliner. The walls in her room were painted pink, on the wall that towered over her desk filled with papers, big metal letters hung up spontaneously. The first later was C with metal zigzags going through the middle of it. The second letter was A, the third letter was I, after that there was a T, L, I, and N. Caitlin, it spelled.

“I feel like I didn’t have time to do anything this morning” Lynn says stroking the tip of her eyelid with liquid eyeliner. “I did my make up like five minutes before I came over here” I said standing in front of her bed. Lynn laughed and then cursed as she wiped the corner of her eye like she made a mistake. We were silent for a whole two minutes as I watched her put eyeliner on her waterline and put on mascara. She then pulled out a tiny make up palette. “So did you and Alex make up?” she asked, her tone sounded like she was suggesting something. Knowing her, she really meant did you guys kiss? Did you make out? Did you have sex? Which is a wrong thought since Alex and I never really dated. “I thought we did” I sighed. Lynn laughed as she colored her eyebrows. “What do you mean?” she asked and chuckled some more. “I went to visit him,” I said, “And we apologized and stuff… he even gave me a rose. But then he went all ass-hole on me calling me stupid and naïve” I scratched my head remembering the conversation. Jenny was right he said. She took a few seconds to understand. “What?” she said, “Who the fuck does that?” her voice suddenly sounded angry. “Who gives you a flower then goes and be’s a jackass? Like, he was your best friend. Naïve? Maybe. Stupid? No. What gives him the right to fucking say that? To a girl, let alone you!” Lynn’s ranting made me feel like she was on my side. Although, I noted that she had agreed that I was naïve. “He was my best friend,” I responded, “That gave him the right.”

Not knowing if she agreed with me or not, she stood up with an effortlessly beautiful face. “So, what do you want to do?” she asked. I shrugged my shoulders and looked down at her floor. I heard her gasp and her face got all bright. “Dude, I could kill for some ice cream” she said. So that’s where we went. We didn’t go to our usual hang outs. Normally we’d go to Monkey’s then Walgreen’s, but this time we went to the ice cream shop. The air was dry and the sun shone through clouds. We sat down with our bowls of ice cream and she played around with her phone. After a minute she asked, “So what exactly did her mean by ‘naïve’?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep talking about Alex. He should be history in my mind by now. I took a deep breath when I remembered I told him everything about Aiden. That I hadn’t told anyone else. Aiden was my little secret who held a bigger one. I felt like Aiden and I were a secret club, who made up fairytales about Ireland a thousand years ago. But they didn’t seem like Fairytales to Aiden. I could take you home. A voice in my head said. Home, meaning Ireland, and in that instant, it felt like home too.

Lynn looked up at me and I realized I had taken too long to reply. “Naïve like, I trust too easily” I answered. I Lynn put a spoon full of vanilla in her mouth and licked her lower lip. Before she could speak I said something else. “How would you feel if I went to Ireland?” I asked. Lynn raised one eyebrow. “Ireland? Why? I mean, if you wanna go no one’s stopping you” Except my mom, I thought. “And no offence,” she added, “But you are a bit naïve. Like a couple years ago when Christian asked you out, he was only joking. And trying to copy other people’s make up is lame, like dude, your makeup sucks” she said scooping up the bottom of her bowl. I didn’t see how that last part was me being naïve, but I had to get defensive. “Okay, I’m not the best at doing makeup” I said and Lynn made an exaggerated ‘I agree’ face. “But I don’t think I’m the worst,” I continued. Lynn laughed, “No dude, it sucks. Like you should try to make your eye liner more thin, and do your eyebrows, and put on makeup under your eyes” she said. I opened my mouth to fight back. Suddenly it didn’t feel worth the little energy I had left. I felt so tired of fighting with people lately. It seems like everyone but Aiden hates me; unless Aiden secretly does too. I looked at Lynn’s face. All the foundations and bronzers couldn’t hide the ugly. I thought for a minute everything she has ever said to me. All the way down to when we were friends in Kindergarten. From her suggesting that we cut holes in our shirts and be like twins, to when she tells me what color to dye my hair, how to do my makeup, and who to and not to respond to on Facebook. I stood up, pulled in my chair, grabbed my ice cream bowl and walked over to the trash near the door. And I discovered that with that, I could leave, and never come back.