Spring Day 轉; knj + ksj

Apologies Part 2

"You!" Choa confronted me during lunch time by slamming her palm on my desk. Her one move rattled my lunch box container, nearly spilling grains of rice all over. "You go apologize to Jin!" she hollered at me. I could even smell her breath that reminded me of strawberry ice cream, but now wasn't the time to be fascinated by her, especially when all the classmates were staring at me.

"Let's talk elsewhere," I uttered.

Choa rolled her eyes and listened to me. The two of us walked outside to a place behind the gymnasium. Usually no one would be there and this used to be a spot where Choa and I would sometimes spend lunch together. This was the place that she'd escape and sob in my arms whenever a relationship was over. Who knew it'd now turn into a spot where she'd reprimand me?

"You have to apologize," she roared with a wide stance.

The stubborn me only responded, "What? He confronted you about what I said?"

"No," Choa informed me while folding her arms and crossing one leg over the other in her stance. "I overheard people talking about it. You were very . . . loud."

"It's not as if I wasn't saying the truth. The truth may be harsh, but it's still the truth," I uttered. I didn't know why I had to be so adamant about being right. I supposed I was bothered that Choa always seemed to be taking Jin's side. I guess that I was being like Momo . . . ironically.

"God. Since when did you become such an annoying jerk?" Choa grumbled. "I feel like after you got that makeover, it's gotten way . . . into your head."

"Hey," I snapped at her. "Your Jin was the one that suggested I do a make-over, so if you have anyone to blame, don't pin it on me."

"Seriously . . . why do you even hate Jin so much?" she bellowed. "Out of all of the guys I've dated, you've been the harshest on him, even more so than to the one that cheated on me."

"There's just something off about him."

"That's what you said about all my exes."

I clarified, "Well there's something very, very off about him."

Choa glowered at me like a ferocious lioness. She bit her bottom lip before giving me an ultimatum: "If . . . you don't apologize to him, then . . . I'm . . . I'm never going to speak to you again!"

"What?" I scoffed out of disbelief. "Just because of this small thing?"

"It isn't just this small thing!" she yelled with all her might. "I'm fed up with your constant bad attitude, Joon!"

"What?" I barked.

Choa exhaled a quick breath, cleared her throat, and explained, "You're always so pessimistic and negative now." I was about to argue her position, but she went on to say, "Yeah, I get that you've gotten more pragmatic and goal-oriented after what happened to . . . your dad's business, but . . . that doesn't excuse you from being a jerk! Honestly . . ." Her eyes glanced downwards as her right hand hugged her left forearm. She always liked to touch her arm whenever she had to deliver bad news, so I was already expecting the worse. Then she declared, "I miss the old Kim Namjoon . . . the one that had big dreams, supported other people, and wasn't so judgemental."

As Choa strolled by me, I bellowed, "That's easy for you to say! Would dreams fill an empty stomach huh? Stop my parents from fighting over money? Huh?"

She shifted her heel to look at me with an icy stare. In a solemn, flat tone, she pointed out, "Just because you're this way doesn't mean you have to look down on others who live differently from you."

"Do you hate me so much that you'd side with Jin now?" I pondered aloud. "You've only known him for a few months at most."

Choa informed me with her back facing me now, "It's not about picking sides, Joonie. I just can't . . . support how you're treating him, regardless of the fact that he's my . . . boyfriend."

"But—"

"Why won't you try to understand someone before judging them?" Choa wondered in disdain. "I mean, you were able to look past my image to know me, so why can't you do that for Jin?"

Because you're different, I wanted to say. Because I love you, I wanted to add. All those words I just kept in my head and chose to stay silent. I knew that if I argued more, Choa would end up ignoring me and casting me out of her life. I was already in her friend zone. Did I want to be tossed out of that as well? No.

I thought back to what Hoseok said about apologizing and . . . I didn't think doing that would make me feel better at all. I just felt defeated this time. Perhaps initially, I would have been more eager to say sorry to Jin but . . . after Choa's confrontation, I felt more irritated towards Jin. Why'd she choose to be on his side? Why? What about our years of friendship? What were they for?

I always laugh at myself whenever I think back to that moment. It's just I'm sorry. Two words and I couldn't even do that without feeling as if my pride had been crushed. Silly. Immature. Foolish. Three perfect words to describe me.

And then I feel like I had been the mirror image of Momo—the words I said were nearly identical to hers. Now I see why Choa could be such close friends with Momo. We were too similar on the inside at that time. We were filled with rage, pent up frustration, and everlasting loneliness. We were lost souls, blindly following the norm.

If I could have talked to her better . . . extended a hand . . .

If Jin hadn't approached me, I'm pretty sure I'd end up like her in some way. If Choa hadn't scolded me and if I hadn't listened to her . . .

I did though. After school, I approached Jin who was backing up his bag. I cleared my mind and blurted, "I'm sorry, okay?"

Jin gazed at me before laughing at my reaction. "What a half-assed apology!" he jeered. "What? Choa made you say it?" I didn't answer his question, so he progressed to say, "I won't accept your apology."

"What?" I howled. If he didn't accept it, then Choa . . .

"Chill, chill," Jin lightly tapped my shoulder and uttered. "I'm half joking."

"What? Joking? You—"

"Relax man," he interrupted. "I'll . . . only accept your apology if you agree to do one thing."

"And that would be?"

"You gotta agree first and then I'll tell you."

I hesitated for a minute before reluctantly agreeing, "Fine. I'll do what you want. Now what do you want from me?"

Jin smirked in a way that I knew something unexpected and negative was going to happen. What I didn't know then was that what Jin proposed would end up changing my life forever. His deal seemed more like a curse then, but I think it was actually a blessing—Jin's blessing.

I never believed in God, demons, or angels. These days, though, I think Jin might have been like a guardian angel. Yes . . . that fits his role a lot. You've always been watching, right, Jin?