Spring Day 轉; knj + ksj

Hesitation and Fear

Although I said goodbye to two of my friends, time flew by. I already graduated from high school and two other friends came into my life and they were Jimin and Jin. Was this the universe's way of playing exchange? I'd always scoff to myself when I thought about how cruel life could be. After all, the world moved on and I was expected to go forward.

I worked harder than ever, partly to pass time and forget about the sadness and partly to do justice to Choa and Momo. If they couldn't continue with their dreams and they believed so much in me, then I had to achieve what they couldn't obtain. That was the least I could do.

The journey to success was more than what I had ever expected. There were the simple adjustments like getting accustomed to living with six other guys. Then there were the tougher tasks where we were constantly put through tests and had to weigh ourselves every week. We had to lose more weight to look better for photos and the cameras. We were expected to have six packs when we debuted. The toughest was managing my own stress and other people's anxiety and doubts.

I was considered one of the luckier ones where Bang PD seemed to support my debut, whereas Jimin had the most challenging time. Jimin was the last to join BTS, so he had to play catch up with all of us. Although he had no major problems learning new dance styles due to his background in contemporary dance, he was lacking in his vocals and in his musical composition skills, which were understandable. He never received any vocal training or had played an instrument before. Not to mention, Jimin had the hardest time losing weight and even when he did, none of that reflected on his face. His cheeks were always puffy like rice cakes.

I worried for other members too. Hoseok was supposed to be part of the vocal line, but later Bang PD thought he was better suited as a rapper. Hoseok was also playing catch up like Jimin. Luckily, Hoseok had no problems with losing weight, composing music, and dancing. The only other issue Hoseok had was to establish his own image he wanted to portray to the fans, which Bang PD resolved by making him the sunshine of the group. There was always someone that had to be the mood maker, but we all knew that Hoseok was actually quite serious and quiet. Then there was Yoongi who was still struggling with accepting that he was being an idol and Taehyung who was told that even if he debuted, he'd have to remain hidden for the beginning and not film with us.

Jin, like me, struggled with dancing, yet his situation was kind of like Jimin where Jin had weak vocals and had zero experience in composing music. Jin originally was aiming to be an actor, so this new dream of his required more effort than ever to achieve. Fortunately, Jin was blessed with his visuals, so that helped to earn him a spot in BTS. He too, like Hoseok, had a problem figuring out what sort of identity he would have in BTS. Bang PD wanted Jin to be like a prince due to his appearance, but we all knew that Jin's real personality was far more happy-go-lucky and more like an uncle's.

Out of all of us, Jungkook seemed to have excelled in everything. He was really like a golden child, blessed with good looks, talent, and a decent personality. His challenge was related to his being an introvert. He was so shy at first that he could barely sing in front of a few people and he always grew super nervous around females, no matter their appearance. I also pitied him because he never really go to enjoy his school years, making him nearly friendless. I believed that we were his only friends. I secretly feared that he would be exploited and fetishized. I didn't like the idea of him having to appeal sexually to the audience. I just felt that he was too young to face the real world.

In fact, though I really wanted to debut, I was also scared that I wouldn't be able to do well. I wasn't sure too that I could stand the attention that I'd potentially gain from fame. I loved being able to walk freely on the streets and do stupid things with my friends that wouldn't get picked up by the public. I'd be trading in my wings for the spotlight, yet I craved that sound of applause and cheers. I think all of us seven really had mixed feelings and each of us dealt with it differently.