October 24, 1994
Dear Diary,
Okay, I know I said I wouldn’t write in this, and I swear I won’t again - it’s just that writing in this seems to take my mind off things, and lately my life has been a wreck. The writing also makes Renee happy, and if all I have to do is write in this to make her happy then so-be-it.
School sucked today, but then when does it not? Remember those chocolate chip cookies from a few days ago? Well, Mumsy dearest decided to "make me lunch" and packed me the whole box! I’m just so tired of her pretending she cares for a few weeks before she turns into a fucking drunk again.
Other than that, school was still shit. One of the soccer players, Adonny, and his friends were being total douches in English. They thought it would be hilarious to throw condoms at me that said ‘get laid you virgin’. Unlike their sort, I don’t want to be stuck with a baby while I'm still in school.
I’m not saying that all people who have sex in high school have babies; I just don’t want to take any chances. I mean, I can barely handle my own life, I don’t think I’d be able to handle a baby too. Unlike my mother who thought differently.
I guess I never told you why Adonny does this to me. Don't expect me to. If anyone just opens this up and reads it, I'm going to be the one in trouble. He’s just constantly been a dick to me ever since seventh grade. That's all you need to know.
By the time I got home, my mom was drinking again. Whoop de-doo. Do you want to know the first words that came out of her mouth were?
“Why the hell are you here, shouldn’t you be at school?”
"School’s over, it ends at three... not that you’d care.”
With that, I ran into my room, not wanting to hear anything else from her. After all, all she'd do is make things worse.
Honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Renee says I’m depressed, but I don’t think so. She could be right. It's possible, it would make sense, but at the same time it wouldn't.
- Brandy.
