October 27, 1994
I can't believe I just did that. I didn’t think I would ever do this, but there I was with a razor in my hand and bloody bathwater. It’s funny, really. Just a few years ago, I thought I would never do anything like this. Just a few years ago, I questioned why anyone would ever hurt themselves. Now here I am, doing the very thing I scorned years ago. It’s funny how things can change so much. How people can change so much.
October 28, 1994
Dear Diary,
I guess you expect me to explain yesterday. Well, I don’t really have an explanation. The stress must have caught up to me or something. I’m perfectly fine. Really.
I found an empty bottle in Mom’s dresser today. Should I tell Dad? It’s nothing new, but I know what’s going to happen if I tell. They’re going to have a huge fight about going to alcoholic meetings and therapy, and Mom will go for a week. Then, she’ll “forget” about the meetings, or she’ll have “a sudden recovery” (which we all know is fake when she starts drinking again).
That’s how it always been, how it’ll always be. I’ve given up on anything getting better. Lately it seems that all the hope I used to have for life is long gone.
In school today, we got a new project, and it’s due in a week. We have to make trifolds about the wonders of nature. It needs to be neat, clean, and "worthy of an A". Plus it has to have eight pages of information and a bibliography. Everyone does have a partner, but we didn’t get to choose. Ms. Lacey chose for us “randomly”. We all know that she pairs her favorites with their friends and “accidently” matches everyone else up with the least compatible people. Unfortunately, I'm not one of her favorites.
Guess who I’m stuck with? Eli, He’s one of Adonny’s friends. I’ve never really talked to him, but he’s part of Adonny’s little crew. He can’t possibly be good - just look at the company he keeps! We’re supposed to start work tomorrow at his house. I hope that he's not as horrible as his friends. What if he invites Adonny over? I don't even want to think about it.
-Brandy
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honestly, if you ever feel the need to self harm don't it gets better it really does. & i know that sounds super cliche, but in all honesty, it does get better. Ive been through it, and i dont want you to go through that. if you every need to talk im here. :)
